A recent interchange with a caller about a misadventure with one of her cats reminded me of an incident that happened to me a while back. The only time I ever got attacked by one of my own cats happened like this.

 

The local TV station was running a series of advertisements for a brand of cat food called Chef. Their slogan was "Isn't it wonderful what a cat can do on a can of Chef?" So when the neighbours asked my daughter to feed their cats while they were away, it wasn't much of a surprise that they appeared with a plastic carry bag of Chef cans, which my daughter placed on the floor of the pantry.

 

All was going well until the stock of cans was down to two, and our cat Houdini got nosey. He was a nervous cat at the best of times, so when he stuck his head into the bag to investigate and got his head hooked on one of the bag handles, the rest was inevitable. The rustling of the bag spooked him, he felt the weight of the cans inside it, and he was off.

 

First he headed for the front door, the bag of cans thumping along behind him. Fortunately it was shut as I needed to unhook him before he headed for the Great Outdoors, but unfortunately it was made of glass. Houdini made a U turn just before impact but the cans continued their forward momentum, smashing into the glass door which promptly shattered. Now peeing in fright, he made a mad dash for the back door. As he scooted by me I managed to grab the carry bag and release it before he vanished for the rest of the day. Whew!

 

Meanwhile, Number One Boss Cat, Ichabod, woke in alarm at the commotion. He apparently decided that he didn't like what was happening, and concluded that since I was the only one in sight it must be My Fault. He sprang at me from behind, sank his fangs into my backside, then slid down my legs leaving long claw marks in his wake. He also departed for the day via the back door.

 

My son wandered blearily into the kitchen, surveyed mess of broken glass, cat pee, cans and blood, and observed, "Isn't it amazing what a cat can do on a can of Chef?"

 

The footnote to all this was that when I rang the insurance company about replacing the glass door the girl I related this saga to could hardly speak for laughing. It was the same when the glass man arrived - I thought he was going to drop the new pane he was laughing so much. Once my wounds had healed I began to see the humour of it too, but the cats jumped at the sound of rustling plastic for some time to come. I just wish I had it recorded for Funniest Home Videos. It would have made my fortune.