Here's the scenario ... you've had a bit of a spat with your partner, but you've calmed down and are ready to smooth things over. So you call him up to make peace. But when you call he makes it clear he's still mad, so you feel rejected, get upset, and say something that starts it all off again, only worse. A few more go rounds like this and your relationship is in serious trouble. Sound familiar? It should be. It happens all the time. But why?

The answer lies in biology. It comes with the blue or pink booties. Biologically speaking, male testosterone causes men to be a lot more sensitive to the fight/flight reflex. They get wound up much more quickly than women, and take a lot longer to calm down again. Women's hormones make them better at self soothing. So when it comes to a fight women calm down again much more readily than men. This is the reason women tend to be the peace makers - but men are often not ready to listen.

If you recognise this basic biological difference, you can avoid the sort of escalation that turns a small fight into a major meltdown. When you're ready to make peace, go right ahead, but don't EXPECT him to be ready to listen. Just say "I'm sorry" or "I love you" without expecting him to reciprocate. Be patient. Let the testosterone demons run their course. The more you try and rush it, the slower it will go.

And if you're a man reading this - then tell yourself to be more watchful for your partner's attempts at peacemaking and let her know that once you've calmed down, you'll listen...