When my children were small, the peace of the day was often shattered by screams of rage, pain or indignation. One or more of my brood would come running, with shrieks of anger, or tales of injustice, real or imaginary, beginning with those immortal words “It’s not FAIR!” My blood pressure would skyrocket, and countless hours would be wasted trying to unravel the conflicting tales of woe and to mete out justice.

 

It finally dawned on me that I was not doing my children any favors trying to act like a Cosmic Policeman. They would learn a lot more by sorting out their squabbles for themselves. When a child arrived in my kitchen howling at high volume, I trained myself to ask quietly, “Is there any blood?”

 

A physical wound got dealt with promptly. All other complaints were returned to the owner of the problem. This simple strategy served to de-escalate the tensions and hostilities that happen during sibling warfare, and in the process made my children more resourceful individuals. I resigned from my unasked for roles of Riot Policeman and Audience for the Drama. .

 

I soon learned that it was a good strategy to apply to life in general. When stress threatened to engulf me, I asked myself if anyone was going to suffer physical harm as a result of my action or inaction. Would anyone die if the letter wasn’t posted today? If the report wasn’t finished exactly on time? If I didn’t return a call immediately? The answer was inevitably NO. Sanity was restored, and oftentimes my diminished stress levels meant more energy to spare to get the job done!

 

This practice led to a change in family behaviour. My children really “got” it, and in time would appear in the kitchen saying “There’s blood, Mummy!” The phrase has become a family code word for something that is really, really important, and I am amused to see my children now using the same strategy that saved my sanity when dealing with their own children. “Is there any blood?”