Does this sound like you? You are run off your feet, but when a friend calls to ask if you could pick up her children because she is running late – again - you hear yourself saying, “Sure, no worries, I’ll be right there.”

 

Or this? You have had a hard week. You’ve promised yourself an early night. But when your boss asks if you could possibly stay late to put the finishing touches on the presentation for tomorrow, you hear yourself saying, “Sure! No problem!”

 

We are socialized to be caring and nurturing. The Golden Rule is drummed into us: treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. We often lack the “ruthless gene” that allows us to make decisions that others might regard as selfish. We need to be liked and accepted by others.

 

As a result, we are often left feeling drained and resentful. These negative feelings will ultimately sabotage the very relationships we are trying to save. What is the solution? Learn to say NO. The world won’t fall apart if you do – honest. Try it. You need the practice anyway!

 

Instead of agreeing to pick up your friend’s children, say: “I am really snowed under myself today, so you’ll need to find someone else.” Don’t say “sorry.” Don’t offer any other explanation. Just say it politely and factually. End the call and get on with your work.

 

Instead of agreeing to work late, say: “I’d like to help out but I have other plans tonight.” Don’t apologize. Don’t elaborate. Just make a simple statement of fact in a positive way and leave it at that.

 

Practice makes perfect. Try this approach to recurring scenarios, and soon you’ll be successful at thinking on your feet and using it in unfamiliar situations. The trick is not to try to justify yourself, or to say things that make you sound guilty. Phrase your refusal in a positive, friendly way. Remember – YOU don’t own the problem. You are not responsible for solving it.