NO, that’s not a typo! I often get calls about “friendships” that sound more like “fiendships.” They usually start out something like this…

 

Your new “friend” begins by paying you a lot of compliments. Naturally, you find this very flattering. They also demonstrate their admiration for you by copying a lot of the things you do. You buy a new pink mobile phone, next day they have one the same. You decide to change your hair style, and soon they are at the same hair dresser as you, copying your colour or cut.

 

At first, this feels good. It is hard not to like someone who so obviously likes you. But after a while it starts to become a bit irritating, and you start to notice that there is an edge of competitiveness to it all. There may be a bit of a barb in some of the comments that your “friend” makes, and you may find them moving in on your other friends or even deliberately making contact with your ex’s. They may start exchanging gossip about you that you are uncomfortable with.

 

You feel guilty about these thoughts and wonder if you are being petty, because they are still being “nice” to you, perhaps giving you presents or doing you favors. But it feels more and more as if they are trying to “buy” you.  What to do?

 

Well, the first thing to remember is that it’s not about you. If you ask around, you will find that it has been a pattern in their previous friendships. You will find that they have lost a lot of friends that way before, which is why they battened on to you with such enthusiasm. There is only one solution. Quietly back away from the “friendship” and allow it to drop. They are not going to change. If anything, it’s going to get worse.

 

It’s hard to drop a friendship, because we are taught to value them, but a fiendship is not the same as a friendship! It doesn’t serve your greatest good, and confronting the issue won’t help as the other person is unlikely to be willing to acknowledge their self destructive behaviour patterns. You are likely to make an enemy instead. Treat it as a learning experience. As a good friend of mine once said, “Light attracts bugs!”