Scenario One: There was a phrase your mother used when she was annoyed with you that you really hated. “I’ll give you something to cry about!” she used to say. You were NEVER going to say it to your own children. You get upset, and guess what pops out? You guessed it! Those horrid little words you hated so much as a child.

 

Scenario Two: He went through a very painful and messy divorce. He told all his friends that he was NEVER getting married again. The next thing you know, you’re invited to his wedding!

 

Scenario Three: Your partner was unfaithful. You swear that you will NEVER be the third person in a relationship triangle, knowing how hurtful it all was. Before you know it, you meet a wonderful new man. You fall in love. Problem. He is married.

 

What’s going on here?

 

The word “never” comes from a place of denial. It is used to squash an unexamined issue comfortably out of sight. Because it is unexamined, the day inevitably comes around when it blindsides us, because it was hidden deep down, waiting to pop up into the light.

 

“Never say never” is good advice. When you are tempted to say it, look instead at the hidden issues you are trying to suppress. If you don’t, you will find yourself dealing with them at a far less convenient moment, behaving in ways you are very uncomfortable with. You’d NEVER do that, would you…?