One of the most challenging situations that can occur in a relationship is infidelity. It is very hard to deal with, since issues of trust are involved, and many relationships simply do not survive when one or other partner strays. What are the secrets to surviving infidelity, since many relationships do recover and are even strengthened in the process?

 

One of the most important common factors in relationships that weather this storm is the ability to lift the eyes from the present and to focus on the future. Ask yourself how you see your relationship a few years from now. Can you visualize a future without your partner in it? Do you want to grow old together? If the answer is “yes” it will prove a source of strength to deal with the here and now.

 

Another important attitude that is common amongst those who survive infidelity is how you view your partner. Do you secretly feel that you “own” them and have some right to “control” their actions? This is not good news when it comes to dealing with infidelity. Successful survivors tend to accept that there are some things that are not within our power to dictate – in particular, that we don’t have the ability to change other people.

 

One way of voicing this is: sex is not love, and love is not sex. It is a lot easier to forgive someone who strayed with their body than it is to forgive someone whose heart strayed. If you are dealing with a sexual slip up rather than an emotional slip up, the chances of repairing the relationship are a lot better.

 

The ability to admit to one’s own part in the problem is another common factor amongst relationship survivors, because infidelity never occurs in a vacuum. People stray when they are feeling neglected, unappreciated, or resentful. A person who can admit to their own weaknesses is far more likely to be able to forgive someone else’s, and to fix the underlying issues that caused the problem in the first place.

 

There are no easy answers as far as infidelity is concerned, but if you can rise above the petty hurts and accusations and look at the big picture, you are half way to repairing the rift. If on the other hand, you harbor a desire for revenge or payback, then you might as well focus your energies on moving on and spare yourself a world of further pain.

 

Surviving infidelity is a huge test of maturity. It is much easier to get angry and lash out. Very few long term relationships are not tested at some stage. Some of the very best have been forged out of the fire of infidelity. It really IS down to you what the outcome is. Whatever decision you come to – to leave or to endure – make sure that your behaviour is such that you won’t feel shame about it in the future.