My mother taught my some great lessons, but these weren’t some of them!

 

  1. “Always wear clean underwear because you might get run over by a bus.” If I ever get run over by a bus (and why a bus? When did you last hear of someone getting run over by a bus?) you can be sure I’d pee myself in fright, and my undies wouldn’t be clean anyway.
  2. “Think of the starving children in India.” I offered more than once to mail them my leftovers. Maybe if I hadn’t got into the habit of clearing my plate to please my mother I could get into my leather jeans again.
  3. “Marry in haste, regret at leisure.” I know you meant well, Mother, but the man I married because my heart said “He’s the one” is making me a lot happier than the very “sensible” marriage I made to the man I later divorced.

 

By the way – I love you! And I’m still carrying that clean handkerchief….