Touchstones

 

 

            Part of the experience of being human is coming to terms with the shifting tides of our emotions. There are very few people who do not experience fluctuations in the way they feel. Our feelings ebb and flow – sometimes from week to week, sometimes from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. Our emotions are a bit like the weather – we have an overall climate, but each day may bring storms, showers, lightning or glorious sunshine. Just as we can never be absolutely sure of predicting the weather accurately, so too we can never be absolutely certain how we will feel on any one particular day.

            It is during those periods when storm clouds cover the sun or fog rolls in that we most need something to steady us, to ground us, to keep us in touch with reality. These anchor points are sometimes called touchstones.

A touchstone may be a physical object – a child’s teddy bear or security blanket is a good example. Adults have their own versions of these things in the form of special items of jewellery (a wedding ring, for instance), a favourite item of clothing, a photograph of someone we love or maybe a worry stone or crystal. Almost anything can serve as a physical touchstone of this sort – even a rocking chair or special pillow.

But a touchstone need not be a physical object. It may be a place that is comforting and feels secure. A church is a good example of this kind of touchstone. Many of us have places that we go to when we are troubled in some way – for some it is the beach, for some the bush, while for others it might be a place of special spiritual significance. A good example of this might be the person who goes to the cemetery to visit the grave of someone who has been special to him or her in this life.

We also have touchstones in the form of beliefs we have formed and sayings or quotations that ring true for us. For instance, someone choosing to walk away from a difficult relationship might find themselves saying – “you can never go back,” or “you can never trust an addict,” like a mantra to help keep them on their chosen path. They are using this mental touchstone to hold them firm to a difficult course of action. We may remember things our parents said to us in this way, or perhaps the beliefs of a favourite person from either fiction or real life. People such as these may be role models – we measure our own behaviour against what we believe they might say or do under similar circumstances.

People around us can also be touchstones. There are certain people in our lives whose judgement we trust who we turn to when faced with difficulties. There are some who can be relied upon for emotional support, some whose advice we value, others who we know can be relied upon to tell us the truth. Some of these people are with us throughout life, others come and go as we grow and change. There are friends for reasons, friends for seasons, and friends who are life long and unwavering.

The most elusive touchstones of all are those we hold in our memories or imaginations. We may remember the first moment we saw a new born baby, with all those hopes for a perfect and wonderful future, we might remember an amazing sunset which is forever associated with a time of peace and calm, or we might remember the time we succeeded in passing an exam, a personal touchstone for effort and achievement. In our minds eye we might see the perfect rose, the perfect home, the perfect partner – touchstones for what is yet to come rather than what has already been. These are our visions, our goals, our hopes and our dreams.

During our darkest hours we are not usually at our most resourceful. It therefore often pays us to take stock of our resources while things are going well. Take inventory of your own personal touchstones – the physical objects, the special places, the people and the visions and memories. You might even like to make a list of them – a sort of psychic first aid kit for emotional emergencies. If you find that there are big gaps in your list, this may be an early warning sign that your life is out of balance in some way. Pay attention and do something about it.