People who are dating often want to find out quickly whether or not a relationship is worth spending time developing. Especially if you are meeting people on line, being confronted with a bewildering number of choices can be very confusing. It’s not always easy to weed out those who are going to be unsuitable, because everyone puts their best foot forward at the outset.

 

If you want a quick way to separate the sheep from the goats, here’s a tip: TURN UP THE HEAT. What does this mean? It means, find out how they behave under pressure. Things often go along fine until the first sign of trouble, and then when faced with a bit of a problem, people’s true colors show through. They drop their masks and reveal who they REALLY are.

 

To short circuit the process, test it out early on, before you’ve wasted huge amounts of time dating Mr. Wrong. Find opportunities to observe how they behave when the heat is turned up. Here are some examples:

 

  1. What are they like when driving? Do they swear and get impatient with other drivers?
  2. If you spill a drink in a restaurant do they seem irritated with you rather than treating it as a simple mishap?
  3. If you disagree with them, do they get hot under the collar and start attacking you rather than the issue?

Pay close attention also to how they treat others. Someone who is discourteous to the waitress will eventually be discourteous to you. Don’t make excuses for them. How they are now is how they will always be. If you don’t like it now, you won’t like it later. Better to bow out gracefully before your feelings become too deeply involved and spare yourself a lot of heartache.

 

When I was starting to date again after a long spell as a single, one of my girlfriends who had “been there, done that” sent me a card that really summed it all up:

 

“You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a toad you really love!”