Time and again I encounter people hurt and mystified by the sudden disappearance of a person they’ve been talking to on line. Often it occurs just as they are about to meet for the first time. Why does it happen?

 

The explanation is generally this. The other party has backed themselves into a corner they can’t get out of, and they feel their only option is to disappear.

 

This can happen for one of two reasons. The first is that they are really fantasizing. They think they “might” follow through, but when it comes to the crunch they just can’t. So they “poof” without any real idea of the hurt they cause. Because it was never entirely real for them, they have little understanding of where they leave the other person.

 

The other reason is that they have “exaggerated” (i.e. lied) right from the outset. They have said they are younger, slimmer, more attractive, more experienced, more free, more (fill in the blanks) than they really are, and now they can’t get out of it. Faced with the exposure of their untruthfulness, again, they go “poof.” They are too embarrassed to explain.

 

There are a few people who do it for reasons of power and control, but the majority of those who let us down are simply sad souls whose walk doesn’t match their talk. The hardest thing is accepting that you’ll never get a real explanation of what went wrong. Don’t take it to heart – it was never about you. And don’t kick yourself for being fooled – it happens to us all. Move on, having learned from it.