I’d like to nuke MySpace. And Facebook. And Match.Com and all its variations! Why? Because they have become yet another mechanism for people to torture themselves.

 

I’m always getting calls that go something like this:

 

  • He/she has still got a profile on Match.Com and I “know” it’s because they are looking for someone else
  • He/she was on IM last night and they hardly said a word to me so I “know” I don’t mean anything to them
  • He/she has added Suchabody to their Friends List and I “know” that they are interested in them and I don’t like it

 

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “ignorance is bliss.” Well, when it comes to these kinds of on line activities, it couldn’t be more true!

 

Instead of weaving tragic fantasies around the on line activities of your Significant Other, ask yourself if you would be doubting them if you didn’t have this second hand access to an aspect of their lives that you really know little about. There are plenty of innocent explanations for what people do with their computers – including computer errors. Instant messenger services in particular are notorious for showing people to be on line who are actually signed off, and it is also very easy to leave yourself on the wrong setting.

 

Women in particular are very inclined to make mountains out of molehills, reading a lot more significance into male activities than is actually there. Men are very straightforward. If someone asks to be added to their Friends List they will often click Yes without giving it any further thought. They don’t spend hours agonizing over who their Top Friends should be, or carefully editing comments. They are not known for sophisticated computing and networking skills. And then they find themselves in hot water because they have forgotten to disable a profile or innocently talked with someone their partner objects to.

 

It’s quite different if there is a pattern of deception of course. But otherwise the best advice is: Never attribute to malice that which can much more easily be attributed to stupidity!  Over analyzing other people’s actions is just a recipe for unhappiness. There are times when we need to accept that we are not the centre of the Universe – yes, really!

 

Footnote: When you’ve broken up with someone, torturing yourself by monitoring their on line activities makes even LESS sense. Delete them, block them, STOP LOOKING!