In the trade union movement, they use a tactic called “working to rule.” Instead of going on strike, the workers with a grievance show up to work, but they “work to rule.” What this means is that they carry out their instructions exactly. They do nothing extra. And even if the instruction doesn’t make a lot of sense, they do it anyway. They ignore the spirit of the law and concentrate on the letter of the law. Since most of us do a lot more at work than our official job description indicates, the bosses soon find that they don’t like what they are seeing, and start taking steps to put things right.

 

This is a tactic that also works well in relationships. Sometimes people have to experience what they think they want in order to find out that they didn’t want it after all!

 

A good example is the man (and it’s usually a man!) who says he “just wants to be friends.” Work to rule. Give him EXACTLY what he asked for. But of course “friends” don’t get bed privileges, or the emotional intimacy of close relationship….

 

If she wants to “take a break” then give her one. No phone calls. None of those small helpful things you usually do for her. Give her EXACTLY what she asked for.

 

If you want to break a stalemate in a relationship, then take a tip from the trade union movement and work to rule. There’s a good reason it is still in their repertoire of negotiation strategies! It works!