One of the most challenging life passages people face occurs when parents are aging. All through life the roles have been clearly defined. There was no doubt as to whom the child was, and who the parent was. But when the roles start being reversed it’s a hard adjustment for all concerned.

 

It’s frightening to watch aging parents losing their mental sharpness. We worry about their safety. Health issues rear their heads, along with concerns about their financial position. We fear that we will need to make some very hard decisions, and feel guilty and uncomfortable even thinking about what needs to be done to ensure their well being as they start to lose their capacity to be independent.

 

Over the years, I’ve observed this transition many times, guiding adult children through the unenviable task of taking over their parents’ affairs. Something that I have observed is this. The thing an adult child most fears is that they will be forced to make the decision to put their parents into care. They agonize over it, torture themselves with all the resulting guilt, and second guess themselves over and over.

 

The outcome is almost always the same – something happens that causes the decision to be made for them. The parent will fall ill or have an accident that makes the shift into care a smooth one. The medical profession steps in and orchestrates the process in such a way that everything falls neatly into place.

 

My advice to anyone faced with the apparent dilemma of what to do for the best good of their aging parents is to sit back and wait for the timing to be right. Deal with the here and now and stop agonizing over a future that is unlikely ever to happen. It’s not denial, it’s not procrastination, and it’s not unconcern. It’s actually more sensible to let matters take their course and trust that when the need arises the solution will unfold.