I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about something I “should” have done. She said to me, “Should means, you didn’t…” I was really irked with her at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right! Should is one of those words with an emotional hook in its tail. Why is this?

 

One reason is what my friend alluded to – it’s a little nudge from the conscience about “things left undone that ought to have been done.” But it’s a bit more than that. Who said it “should” have been done in the first place? If you delve into what’s really going on, nine times out of ten the voice that is speaking does not belong to your own true self, it belongs to someone else. It may be your mother’s voice, your teacher’s voice, or the voice of some other authority figure, but chances are, it doesn’t belong to YOU.

 

These emotionally loaded words are great ways to access the sort of inner blind spots we all have that are frequent sources of discomfort and unhappiness. Next time you catch yourself saying the “should” word, stop and think about who is speaking and whether you want to be governed by forces outside of yourself. Instead of being a stick to beat yourself up with, you can use it as a lever to make some changes.

 

You should, you know …… J