The next time there is an issue, fight, argument, loss of friendship, breakup of a relationship, discord in the family, Stop and ask yourself how much of this issue is your responsibility. If the answer is none then you are lying to yourself and if you can lie to yourself then you can lie to others.
When I ask how much of it you are responsible for. I am not insinuating that you caused the initial issue but you are responsible for the outcome and how you allow yourself to affect and even condemn other people.
Recently someone I care for and was concerned about came to me for help. Thinking that helping them would give them the support that they needed to make their life better I lent this person some money to, I thought, help them get out of a situation. Within 24 hours I found out that this person blatantly lied to me. I did not cause the initial issue but I was responsible for allowing him to lie to me. There were clues that everything didn’t add up but I chose to believe that this person absolutely needed my help and so I pushed them aside. There were several things that I could have done in response to this situation, most of which would have caused even more drama and pain than I was already feeling. Had I reacted to my feelings of hurt and betrayal it would have blown the issue even wider than before. Instead I made a responsible decision that:
1.) This person has no clue about integrity or the fact that there are people out there that believe in him and know what he could make of his life,
2.) I need to listen more to my intuition and think before I react and
3.) It was a lesson for me that not everyone can be trusted no matter if I consider them part of my extended family or not and
4.) This person can no longer be a part of my life.
It seems every day I see people hurting the ones they supposedly care for and love. A small argument between two friends will escalate into an almost all out war and what started as a disagreement between two people which probably could have been resolved by having a discussion suddenly has even more people involved in the situation so that the accusations and name calling gets bigger and bigger. This is where responsibility comes in. If you have an issue with one person, bringing others into the fold usually only results in drama and deceit as you have not taken responsibility for your part in it.
1.) The person that you are bitching to about the person you are upset with is only hearing one side of the story, if they are jealous or do not like the person that you are gossiping about they will twist the issue to an even worse one and involve even more people that really have nothing to do with it other than fulfilling their own agenda. Instead of talking with and working out the problem with the one that you had a misunderstanding with the small issue now becomes a matter of lies and betrayal and no story ever gets repeated in truth.
2.) By not dealing with your responsibility in how the matter has come about in the first place you have compromised your integrity and more likely than not deeply hurt someone that cared for you as a friend.
3.) You have assumed that you have a right to tell this person how to think and feel because their thoughts and feelings don’t align with yours. There is no consideration to their feelings and how they may view the situation in order to work out a solution that would be positive for both.
4.) By involving or trying to involve others with mistruths and possibly disclosing things that were told to you in confidence you have betrayed the person you supposedly cared about.
5.) Some betrayals can never be healed and you have destroyed the trust and most likely the friendship of one who cared deeply for you
6.) Was it worth it? Do you truly feel good about what you have done or are you constantly bringing it up to others, continuing to keep the drama going, and the hurt cutting deeper into the one you have betrayed as you have betrayed yourself.
7.) If you can live with the knowledge of what you have done to your friend and yourself then you are not taking responsibility for your part of the issue and this type of meanness will become a part of your life and the people that you surround yourself with will be they types that reflect that back to you. I wouldn’t want to live a life where the only people around me are ones that would stab me in the back and be friends with me only to better themselves and when something better comes along leave me in the dust to start the pattern all over again.
So the next time before you open your mouth and react think about what part of the issue is your responsibility. Think about your actions following it and what affect they will have on others. Do the words that come out of your mouth truly help the situation or are you throwing daggers to hurt in order to make yourself feel better. It won’t make you fell better in the long run. It will only worsen the situation and deepen the wound of the one that cared about you in the first place. When the person cuts you out of their life because the hurt is more than they can live with accept the responsibility of being part of that decision as your actions speak much louder than words.