Are you a Martha or a Maxine?
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*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. |
*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
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To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. |
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year. |
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When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake. |
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you. |
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If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up." |
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!" |
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Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. |
Celery? Never heard of it! |
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Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. |
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't. |
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Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. |
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! |
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If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. |
Go ask that very cute neighbor
if he can open it for you. |
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Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. |
Leftover wine????????
HELLO !!!!!!! |
Women are Complicated!
OKAY, NOW LET'S NOT BE SHY PEOPLE....I appreciate any comments you wanna make here about this particular silly old post!!
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I just wanted you all to know that I have entered the Snapdragon part of my life!
Part of me has snapped.....
And the rest of me is draggin'!
Subject: Still Waiting.....
I did what you told me...
I sent the email to 10 people like you said.
I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen
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FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat . been out a while.
Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
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GEORGIA PEACHES
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.
AND THE BEST ONE :
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes
Excellent condition
$1,000 or best offer
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything.
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LET'S NOT BE SHY PEOPLE....I appreciate your comments you want to key in for this post please?
Big hugs, Grace
Murphy's Lesser-Known Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Help Wanted: Mom
POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mother
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team players needed for challenging work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 m.p.h. in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this: You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Gotta Love that Maxine!!
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some fun out of life,
and pass it on to other folk.
That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger...