Gwen Lake - Tarot & Beyond

Ever had the feeling you are fighting for someone's "soul"-attention?

Love-relationships can be difficult to maintain, painful to end, but we also know how difficult they can sometimes be to simply begin.

We all know the feeling of meeting someone new and falling in love, or at least becoming intensely interested in this new person in our lives. The spark, the recognition of commonalities, the attraction, and the exhilaration of feeling like your world just shifted slightly on its axis.

You leave that first encounter floating on Cloud Nine, and all you can think about is when you might see him or her again, and how, and what will happen then.

Ideally --- and in Hollywood movies --- the feeling is mutual. He or she "felt it" too. Your new fascination is now also equally fascinated with you. It works that way in the movies. Books about soulmates tell us it works that way in real life too.

But....what happens if someone you feel a deep connection to....does not appear to have felt the same thing?

What happens if they DO appear to have felt the same thing....but they are not acting upon it?

What are you supposed to do, think, feel, respond with, when for whatever reason, the person you feel may be the "love of your life" is still just....living their life, without you?

It has happened to all of us. I too once felt myself to be falling in love with a man who seemed to be at least attracted in return. He was one of a mutual social circle, and our encounters at gatherings always seemed ripe with mutual attraction, witty exchanges, mutual interests, even mutual opinions and viewpoints. I thought we would be perfect together. I dreamed of us as a couple. Everything seemed right, and even he seemed interested too. But nothing ever moved forward. He never took things further, and I felt I couldn't make a move or say anything either -- as we continued onward as only aqaintances I sensed I needed to let him come forward first. Well, he didn't. Even with all that sparky chemistry I thought we had. Even despite the doe-eyed looks I caught him giving me across a crowded room. Even despite how his face lit up whenever he saw that I had arrived at a social get-together of our mutual friends. Ultimately, nothing ever came of our supposedly intense attraction.

First, I discovered to my chagrin that he had a girlfriend already. I realized that although he seemed to be drawn to me, our connection was nothing more to him than flirting. He had no intention of leaving his girlfriend. Although not formally committed to her, she was the one he was interested in being with for that time.

Eventually I got over the idea that someone I wanted and thought was perfect for me, did not want me or think I was perfect for him. It wasn't easy! These things can tear at our hearts, cause us confusion and pain. "If I feel so much for him/her, how can it be that I must let them go on their way?"

I've been on the other side of the equation too. A man I dated when we were both very young, and whom again is in a wider social circle in which occasional contact still occurs, has spent years of his life still believing -- and occasionally trying to insist to me -- that he and I were "meant to be." No matter how many times I have told him, I don't feel the same way -- and in this case I have in fact told him in plain words, not just my actions or "inaction" -- no matter how many times I've told him in rational words, he doesn't "get it."

He and I happen to be - in my view - incompatible as mates or partners. I feel we are certainly not soulmates. I don't like his points of view on most important issues, I don't like his outlook and ideas. He's just not the one for me. He thinks I am the one for him. No! Sorry, but this is not going to be.

And so, I've been on both ends of Cupid's Arrow of Unrequited Love. I've been pursued as The One by someone I just didn't feel the same way about. And I've pursued someone who just didn't feel the same way about me.

The lesson I started to learn, from this and from much spiritual reading, study, careful thought, and learning from the writings of those much more versed in these things than I, is that sometimes, no matter how strong the pull, you have to let go.

There comes a time when you must realize that if someone isn't playing ball with you, it's time to find another ball, another game, another teammate.

You may be convinced right now that someone in your life is the one for you, that you would be great together, even that this person is your Soulmate.

I do believe in soulmates, or at least, significant people in our lives who were meant to play a role, and we in theirs, and understanding that began in lives before this one, even. We even have more than one -- please know this: there is not only one person on this entire planet whom we are supposed to find and be with in harmony. There are many, many souls with whom we have connected before and with whom we have agreed beyond this plane to connect with again, in order to continue working out something these connections are meant to convey to us.

But here is the thing I feel many of us miss or forget:

Not all of these deep connections are meant to be forever, or even of the manner we may try to force them to be.

That person one feels "ought to" be with you...perhaps the reason they resist, the reason why they do not feel the same way, or do not act upon whatever is between the two of you, is because the things they have to teach you, the things they have to "give" you in this life, are of a different nature. This person may not be fated to be your lover, you life partner - perhaps they are fated instead to give you guidance on this very issue: how to deal with unrequited love.

The strong connection you feel may indeed be completely real, karmically. The two of you may indeed have known each other in a previous life together - you may have been intimately connected then, or possibly you may be about to be intimately connected in an existence to come.

Well, then BUT WHY NOT NOW?! If this karmic connection is so, between us, lets have at it!!! Why can't he or she just stop playing games and come right to my side and be with me in the here and now?

The answer is, this may BE the karmic connection.

The fact that they are walking away from possibilities with you may BE the lesson the two of you are here to teach each other.

Also, the most important aspect of all: free will.

While there is a path each of us is on, which is to some extent determined by a spiritual contract we have written for ourselves and with each other, we also have been given the gift of free will.

At any time in our lives we can choose what to do, and thus alter our course by increments small or large. And, we have the free will to choose not to go along with supposed "fate" too! That person who is turning away from you, when you believe they should be with you? He or she is exercising their free will to alter the plan -- and do you see how this in itself is part of the plan? For both of you?

It is very hard, I know, to have to wonder if all that you dreamed of regarding That Person may have to be let go. It is also hard to believe there will be anyone else out there so "right" as this One seemed for you. Love can be a terrible thing -- and so can free will, yours, theirs!

But if you can try to understand, it's not the end. It's not the end for you and your possibilities for finding love one day, with someone who wants to find it with you too.

And it may not even be the end of whatever is between you and "the one that got away." It may take a different lifetime to work it out with them, but in the meantime, don't throw away the chance for a connection that can happen NOW.

The one who is truly "The One," is the one who feels exactly the same way about you, right here in the here-and-now. It's worth moving on for.