10 tips to find the partner you thought you could never find
As a reader, I've heard so many times just how hard it is to meet
that right person - that ideal partner, the one most of us yearn
for - our divine match! Where do I go to meet that special
someone? What do I need to do besides what I'm already doing? Why
is it taking so long for anything to work out for me? With these
nagging frustrations in mind, I found it inspiring to create a list
of 10 tips that hopefully will assist you in manifesting your dream
- the dream of connecting with your perfect partner and building a
forever!
1- Learn to love yourself first! It is so hard to truly love
someone else if you don't love yourself first. How can you really
give to someone else what you haven't already given to you? Often,
when someone doesn't love themselves first, they completely lose
their sense of who they are in a relationship, searching to find
love for themselves through another person. This creates an over
exaggerated sense of importance on the relationship, giving the
other person way too much power.
Think of achieving loving yourself in steps: First, start by
liking who you are, even reinforcing your good points to yourself
on a daily basis. Then, progress into loving yourself, even though
you may acknowledge your shortcomings. Then, work toward loving
yourself unconditionally - period. Strive toward seeing yourself
exactly how God sees you; a perfect masterpiece exactly as you
already are! Nurture yourself and take care of you: Buy yourself
a nice gift, take a class, a walk on the beach, take care of your
health, and do for you what you would ideally want your partner to
do for you. By achieving this, you'll attract a more loving
partner to you. Why? Because we attract to us who we are, what we
feel, and what we vibrate to. As you vibrate to the essence of
unconditional love toward you, you will attract a partner who
relates to you in exactly the same way.
2- Define your values! Try to be clear as to what you're truly
looking for in a relationship. Define your deep core values in:
spirituality, lifestyle, family values, career goals, sexual likes
and dislikes, morals and ethics, goals and dreams, as this type of
clarity is crucial for a relationship to have a legitimate chance
of being long term.
Try not to build from superficial values such as: He / she has to
be an exact height, body type, and possess a specific level of
wealth.
Work from the core of your true values, the values that will
probably be with you if you live to be 100. These are the values
that define every component of your life, such as: do you believe
in God or not? Do you want a social or more private lifestyle?
Would you want to have kids and if so, how many? Finding a person
who matches and is compatible with these values maximizes the
chance of manifesting a great and long lasting union.
3- Forgive all past lovers! Yes, each and every one of them - for
whatever they did to you, didn't do for you, any and all the pain
they may have caused you, and set yourself free. Through this
forgiveness, your heart opens and you will maximize your chances
greatly of not only attracting someone, but attracting someone
right.
Why is this so? Because negative emotions help shut us down,
leaving the door closed to new and positive people entering our
lives. On top of that, we magnetize to those who are themselves
negative and ultimately bad for us when we harbor resentment, anger
and bitterness toward past lovers. By not forgiving those in the
past, they are still controlling our lives. Think of it. They've
presumably moved on, probably don't care how they affected you in
the first place anyway, yet they are still helping to define your
love life - in a not good way! Through forgiving every past lover,
all of that negativity fades, all of their power over your life
goes away, and you legitimately open the door for someone wonderful
to walk through.
4- Have a plan of action! Check out where people who are
like-minded may be and start connecting with these people. If
you're a Christian, for example, there are many websites and places
to meet other Christians. People indeed can be met. I know it
seems hard, as I've heard many clients complain of just not knowing
how and where to meet quality people. Put the time and effort into
researching the best venues to meet someone who is on your level.
In going into any of these situations, have a free and easy
approach. Don't be desperate or in a hurry and by all means,
simply be you. If someone can't accept you as you are, there's no
way the relationship can really work anyway.
Remember the greatest gift you can give to anyone is to simply be
yourself. That embodies all of the tremendous qualities God
bestowed upon you, unique to you! If someone you connect with or
meet isn't right, oh well, just move on to the next person lovingly
and with joy, knowing that your plan of action will bring new
productive options into the picture. That plan may and should
modify and grow through time and with experience.
5- Don't force it - be patient! Don't try and force anyone or
anything into being. Our ego, desires and wants can cause us to
get emotionally invested, even obsessed with a person and / or
situation that may not be for our highest good. Like jamming a
round peg into a square hole, forcing a relationship that is not
right for us in the long run never really fits and wastes a lot of
time.
Perhaps what is worse, though, is that the pain doesn't just end
the day the relationship ends; it carries on like the ripples of a
pebble thrown into the water. I've seen people affected an entire
lifetime from a failed relationship or several unsuccessful
relationships. It is better to be cautious then careless, as being
impatient simply won't help. Don't be afraid to wait it out as
God's supreme timing is absolutely perfect. Remember the story of
the turtle and the hare. Who got the finish line first? Why of
course, the one that went slower and wasn't in a hurry.
6- Have a 30-90 day probationary period! It works in the
workplace, so why shouldn't it work in love as well? Put everyone
you meet on a 30-90 probationary period before you emotionally
invest into and commit to them. This 30-90 day period will often,
if not most of the time reveal a person's true colors, actual
intentions, and indicate if this is the right choice for you or
not. How many times I've heard clients tell me of someone who they
just met who seems absolutely wonderful - the connection, finishing
each other's sentences, great sex, seemingly the whole package.
One to two weeks later, this dream match becomes inconsistent with
calling, only later to find out that they have another lover, and
don't know what they really want. Think of how much pain and
heartache would be avoided by sticking to a 30-90 probationary
period when meeting new people. Most of us don't show our negative
qualities on the first date, or early on. In time, though, a
person's real character will certainly become revealed, especially
if you ask God to show you the truth of who this person is. Time
will always make things clear, and 30-90 days is a great time frame
to initially operate from.
7- Don't settle! Don't compromise and settle for second best. Why
should you? Nothing is more painful to hear than someone trying to
rationalize how the wrong person they're with is great, saying
something like, "I caught him cheating, but I have to keep in mind
that he has a lot of baggage from how horrible his ex wife was. No
one's perfect."
I know it's hard to be alone, but settling does little or nothing
to fix the problem except to postpone the inevitable. Sooner or
later, the negative relationship bottoms out, and there's even more
despair in it's aftermath as starting over is never easy. The
other option you may get when settling is a miserable long lasting
relationship, which brings perpetual unhappiness.
Remind yourself daily just how tremendously valuable you are, and
know that settling shows God that this is all you feel you're
worth! By not settling, you not only keep your options open, but
you show God that you do value yourself and God will indeed reward
you in due time.
8- Don't clutter your space! Think of your space not just in
physical terms, but also your inner vibrational space from where we
feel deeply and manifest from. What you do and choose physically
not only affects the day-by-day aspect of your life in the
obviously sense, but also impacts how you feel about yourself and
what you attract to yourself. Try to not clutter your space on any
level, as you need a clear and pure space to draw in that right
partner for you! Stay away from relationships that are negative.
Dating someone just to have someone there, or slipping into a quasi
non committal relationship just to pass the time clutters your
space. Thinking you can date someone not right while waiting for
the right partner does the same thing. It's like eating greasy
junk food while waiting to have a full enriching meal. Don't waste
time pretending that something is better than nothing, as not good
options are not likely to ever be better than nothing. Why?
Because nothing means that you are potentially open to meet someone
new and special as nothing is in the way.
Negative relationships string us out emotionally, scatter our
energies and stretch us in conflicting directions making it hard
for us to attract someone healthy. For example: Being with a
person who is not right for you is like saying you're on a diet,
but eating three pieces of cheesecake a day. Keep in mind that a
blessing doesn't come to you like something that drops out of the
sky; it comes through you, meaning that you have to be an open
channel to receive that blessing. In this instance the blessing
we're referring to is a beautiful and successful relationship! By
all means keep your space uncluttered and simple so it can come to
you!
9- Be OK while you're waiting - Life doesn't begin the day you meet
him or her! You are alive and progressing right now at this very
moment! Learn to be OK with you while you're waiting for that
special partner. Being comfortable in your own skin is so
necessary to live a full and enriched life, and remember, if you're
not OK while waiting, you may not be OK when you meet that person,
as they become your everything in an unhealthy way - your sense of
validation, purpose, and total self worth!
Build upon what you do have, as in friendships, family and positive
activities, as then you can view your life like a puzzle with many
pieces already in place. Then, when you move into a committed
relationship, you are simply adding another piece to your puzzle.
There are a lot of happy people who are not in relationships,
whether they eventually will make a commitment or not, and you want
to make the effort to be absolutely OK in the here and now.
10- Believe it is possible and be open to it! I've heard so many
people tell me that they simply don't believe love will ever work
out for them. Through years, even decades of past hurt,
disappointment and pain, their sense of belief dwindles into a
hopeless sense of cynicism, negativity and bitterness. This is
perhaps the worst place for any of us to be if we really want love
in our lives.
You must absolutely believe it is possible for it to happen. Being
open to something is essential for it to legitimately be a
possibility in our journey. It is very hard to manifest anything
we don't believe is possible, and the emotional intensity often
associated with hurt in love can be quite powerful and life
altering, creating intense defenses and walls within.
Sometimes this problem is more hard to detect, as we may think
we're open to love, when in actuality, we are not. How come? In
part because we're used to living in that familiar reality of being
shut down and it's easy to get used to it, just like getting used
to physical pain that we sort of tune out. Also, because being
closed off provides a comfort zone where we are safe from the
potential pain and hurt of another unsuccessful relationship.
Self-protection becomes more important than taking a chance in love
and risking it all.
Trust me. No matter where you're at and what you've been through,
bless it, release it, and affirm that God indeed brings you your
perfect divine life partner today. Be hopeful. Be open and don't
look back. When you believe it is indeed possible and if you're
open to it, there is no limit as to what the universe can and will
do for you, bringing you the partner of your divine dreams and
victory in love can be yours!