5 Methods to Avoid Conflict when Communicating
We've all been there. Afraid to speak what's on our minds - fearing the reaction; especially if it's a sensitive subject. Yep, we lose control because the emotions have festered for so long, that when the courage to speak up finally hits the end of the rope, chances are you're at the end of your rope. The "communication" becomes an "attack" even though you may not realize it! How do you handle it?
Here are five things that I have found effective, and will share them with you. Pick and choose, or add your own. Hope they assist YOU in communicating with your partner without starting a major conflict!
1. Smile - even though what he/she has been doing for weeks is bugging you, smile when you talk to him/her about it. It really does lighten the mood.
2. Be aware of NOT raising your voice. Yes, you've allowed the emotions to become volcanic, but that doesn't mean that you need to scream it to the world.
3. Approach it WITHOUT saying, "We need to talk". Those four words always put your partner in an instant defensive mode. Try, "There's something on my mind that I would like to share with you" - get creative about it.
4. When you spill your guts, do so one piece at a time. A tirade is sure to result in an equally long rant right back at you.
5. TRY very hard to be conscious of NOT saying "YOU MAKE ME FEEL.."(insert appropriate verbiage here such as, inept, insecure, lousy, insignificant). Remember, you and you alone are responsible for your own feelings. Substitute a different approach. "I know that it's ME that feels this way, but when you do such and such, I can't help but feel...." It's softer and less attacking.
I feel that the critical key to keeping communication open and honest is to avoid the 'attack', and own your feelings. No relationship is going to be conflict-free, but you can avoid huge blow ups simply by staying in control of your emotions. Just try it....
Sending you angels,
Jane