Are YOU REWARDING BAD Behavior?????
OH my GOD! I did THAT???? She wailed into the phone at me. Yup. Ya did.
You REWARDED BAD BEHAVIOR in an attempt to "fix" it. He behaved like a
real jerk - a drunken jerk (not to be confused with the wonderful
Jamaican dish drunken jerk chicken). But, if he was drunk, is he still
responsible for saying all those horrid things? YOU BETCHA. Hunh?
He called her every name in the book, stormed and stomped around like a
2 year old, had a tantrum and all because of? She didn't do something
EXACTLY like he wanted. Well (to quote a favorite line from Jerry
MacGuire) BOO F***ING HOO. But, he took it out on her. Oh, yea, he
"punished" her all right. He went out and got so intoxicated that he
had to have a ride home. And when he got home - it was amazing. He
ranted and he raved. He swore like a sailor to her. This was his
tantrum.
And, what did she do? Well, you can figure it out. Yup. She REWARDED that behavior with sex.
You certainly don't "punish" with "punishment" - but, you can stand in
a space of power by not participating in the rant and rave. Quietly go
away. I don't care how mad you are, it doesn't matter if you have
things YOU want to say - save it. Go away. Go sleep in the guest room.
If you have to, go sleep in the car. The point is DO NOT PARTICIPATE.
And, most of all - you do NOT reward bad behavior. All that does is
reinforce that it will happen again. Why? Because HE CAN. Or, can he?
It's up to you.
Sending you angels today,
Jane