Are you Plan "A" or Plan "B"???
You've begged, pleaded, and bargained with God to please bring him back
(or her - because I don't want to appear gender specific) into your
life. You've sworn that you will "be a better person", appreciate him
more, and you just KNOW that this person holds the key to unlock that
door to happiness for you; without him, you're nothing. You're
miserable, you're lonely.
Then, as if the heavens opened up and sprinkled golden stars on the telephone that hasn't rung in months - it rings. It's him.
Of course he can come over. He does, and a multitude of past "sins" and
apologies start and he is pouring his heart out to you with accolades
of how much you have meant to him, and how totally empty and uneventful
life was without you. YOU are the ONLY one he's been able to think
about every since the two of you parted ways.
You listen, and
you find your heart overflowing with love, leaving behind all the pain
and resentment you felt when you were unceremoniously dropped and your
heart tossed in front of a semi truck. You get caught up in the romantic "Kelly & Grace" moment, and lose all memory of him
dancing merrily off into the sunset with the creature he met at a bar
those months ago. You want to believe what is being said is true. You
need to believe that you are the one that made the difference in his
life, and it is necessary for you to believe you are the one that is
the brilliant star that makes his life complete.
The lines are cast.... and, yes, you take the bait.
Then you
don't hear from him (or her, because - again - I don't want to appear
gender specific). You call, no return calls. Nothing happens. No
magical nights as promised, no better "boyfriend" at all.
What happened????
Answer:
You made it TOO EASY for him/her to waltz back into your life. To HIM
(or her) it was just a check to ensure that YOU are still pining away
for the relationship....(or, as I would call it "Plan B").
How do you avoid being "Plan B"? It's not easy, but here are a few tips:
1. Do NOT dwell on how great the relationship was (it did break up for a reason).
2. Do NOT sit alone by the phone hoping that it will ring.
3. Find some powerful music and listen to it! ("I can do Better" is a great start).
4. Release the resentment, and be GRATEFUL that you were dumped. It gives you the opportunity to find someone better.
5.
Allow yourself a BRIEF mourning period. Suffering a loss of any kind
deserves a mourning period. If he/she cheated, the mourning period
should not take very long.
6. The FIRST time he/she comes around -
do NOT contribute to their litany extolling your virtues - let it soak
in and tell them you'll think about it.
7. The SECOND time he/she comes around, let them know you're still considering it.
8.
The THIRD time he/she comes around, tell them you'll discuss it with
your current significant other (and this could be ANYONE - your dog
should always be your significant other).
9. The FOURTH time he/she
comes around, let them know that you need to actually SEE the behavior
changes. Talk is cheap. Using promises of this or that just isn't going
to cut it.
10. The FIFTH time he/she comes around, tell them you will go to dinner and see how that goes with them. Hopefully you will have 'gotten over the ex' by the 5th time, and refuse to do anything with him/her.
The
whole point is simple. If you do NOT want to BE a "Plan B" - you must
MAKE your attitude to be "Plan A".... and this means force your ex WORK
FOR YOU! If you hold a "Plan A" frame of mind, you will get the respect
that "Plan A's" deserve! Oh, here's a big hint: when you have that
"Plan A" attitude, you attract someone that will respect you - and
chances are your ex will remain an ex.
Start today: BE the "Plan A"!
Make it a GREAT day, and I send you angels,
Jane