Emotional or Physical - Is YOUR Relationship an Abusive one?
To consider whether your partner emotionally abuses you,
look at the information available on physical abusers. The patterns are
similar:
COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF
ABUSERS
(adapted)
* He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in
his own family.
* He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor
frustrations and arguments.
* Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They
experience an intense desire to control their mates.
* His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's
dependency upon him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally
submissive and dependent on him.
* Abusers often have superficial relationships with other
people. Their primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with their
wife/girlfriend.
* He has low self-esteem.
* He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership)
and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to his expectations
of what a wife should be like; often the way his parents' marriage was, or its
opposite. He demands that she change to accommodate his expectations.
* He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects
the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He would not be
drunk if she didn't nag him so much. He wouldn't get angry if only she would do
what she's supposed to do. He denies the need for counseling because there's
nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and then avoids it or
makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get counseling
because, he reasons, she wouldn't have any problems if she only turned to
him.
* He may be described as having a dual personality -- he
is either charming or exceptionally cruel. He is selfish or generous depending
on his mood.
* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to
deceive others. He can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a con
man.
* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to his
partner as a person in her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other.
This is especially true when he's angry. He assumes that she is thinking,
feeling, or acting like that significant other -- often his mother.
EFFECTS
OF LONG-TERM
EMOTIONAL & VERBAL ABUSE
ON THE
VICTIM
Isolation from
others - Low self-esteem -
Depression - Emotional problems - Illness - Increased alcohol or drug use - Withdrawal from real life into an
Internet alternative reality
If you are in an abusive situation - GET
OUT. It is not going to get "better" it will only get worse. If he/she
pushes you around, or grabs you in any disrespectful manner, this is also
physical abuse. Just because he/she may not actually slap you around, or 'hit'
you - simply by shoving, pushing or grabbing you, it is STILL physical abuse
and a method used to demean you.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS, whether or not you may think you have
no choice but to stay - THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER CHOICES. Ask yourself WHY you are
staying? What is it that you hope to accomplish? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO 'FIX'
him/her.... FIX YOURSELF.
***********************
I'm available for your calls today!
Sending you angels,
Jane