The Angel's Loft

Games vs. Boundaries in the Dating Dance

Ok, one more time. You do not need to play "games" when dating. You do, however, need to draw boundaries. Games and Boundaries are totally different.

Game playing is specifically focused on doing things that are manipulative to achieve a desired result.

Boundaries, however, empower YOU, and YOU set them as to what is and what isn't acceptable behavior when someone is courting you - WITHOUT any "desired result" as an outcome.

Game:

When you see your interest out, you purposefully ignore him and won't approach him because YOU want HIM to approach you.

Boundary:

You see your interest out, you smile and acknowledge him, but do not intrude on his space because you respect that he is out with friends. If he approaches you, okay, if he doesn't that's okay, too. But you DO smile at him.

Game:

He calls you after a week or two, and you purposefully do not answer the phone because you're mad he hasn't called sooner.

Boundary:

He calls, you answer the phone after a few rings, keep the conversation light and end it soon. This lets him know that yes,you're interested, but that if he wants to have a relationship with you it's unacceptable to YOU to have silence for weeks.

Game:

He calls at midnight to see you... You toy with the idea talk to him and eventually  give in to him coming over to see you, THEN you tell him to go away.

Boundary:

Anyone that calls in the middle of the night better have an emergency. Answer the phone. If it's a drunk and dial call, tell him to call you when he's sober.

Game:

You purposefully flirt with other men with the thought in mind that jealousy will drive him to you. You over-do it flaunting and exaggerate your interest in your guy friends.

Boundary:

You have friends that are men, and you talk with them but you don't do it with the ulterior motive of driving him jealous. You know that his attitude is his decision, just as your choice to engage in conversation with your male friends is your choice.

Game:

I'll find an excuse to call him, or just let him see that I called so that he will call me back.

Boundary:

If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't oh well. You don't need an excuse to make contact with him.

Game:

He calls you on a Friday afternoon for a date Friday night. You don't go because he didn't call you sooner, so you sit at home.

Boundary:

He calls you on a Friday afternoon for a date Friday night. You've already made genuine plans for the weekend because you didn't hear from him sooner. Oh well, next time....

I am sure that you know of more instances of games vs. boundaries. Just know that there are a lot of differences between the two. Choose the boundaries in your life, and stick to them. You don't need to stretch your boundaries to accommodate someone. Games will only give you MORE games. And, if you seriously want games in your life then get a Playstation.