The Angel's Loft

Living Together vs. Marriage - Go for what YOU Want!

Living with someone is like eating half of a cookie. You want the whole cookie - the temptation is there to eat the whole cookie - but your appetite is actually focused on the whole enchalida. It IS a commitment,  but the fact that either one of you can call it 'quits' without much hoopala (discounting the emotions, of course) makes it a tad bit unstable.

Regardless of how old you may be, or what justifications you may give to yourself about marriage (it's just too complicated, it's not worth it, we're fine the way it is) all of those are only excuses - underlying those created excuses is a slight - or rather significant - fear that at any time the relationship can just *poof* collapse.

If you're living with a "runner" - chances are that the fear of disintegration of the relationship has already hit home. Hard. Comments that are made when he/she is having a bad hair day stick in your mind. (ie: "I don't HAVE to be here ya know"). This only breeds mistrust and an entire floor of eggshells to walk on.

Seriously, who wants to walk on eggshells?

What to do when you want MORE out of the situation? Just a few ideas that may just work for you:

1.  Remind your partner that it's not just a "house" but a "home" that you two live in

2.  Stay focused on what you ultimately want, which is to be married.

3.  Bring up the Will. IF something happened to YOU - you want him/her to be secure.

4.  Be firm that veiled threats are OFF LIMITS. It is not fair to YOU, it's not fair to HIM, basically it's not fair to the relationship.

ALL relationships go through periods of struggle - a little pushing, a little pulling - and ALL relationships are difficult to maintain when the underlying insecurity issue is present, and that can pull the rug out from underneath it at any time.

The key to making sure that does not happen is to keep in mind that if they are going to run out on you, it will happen irregardless if you are legally married or not.

Marriage is a business contract. It's a piece of paper that ensures security, and appropriate division of property. (Hey, God didn't create a Pre-Nup for fun).... Make sure that you truly want this. If you two are at opposite ends of the fence on it, then either accept it and live with it, or tell your significant other that it's just not good enough for you. Now, you do realize that it must be what YOU want, and not an "ultimatum" (as in marry me or we call it quits).  Sometimes even love, itself, isn't enough to keep a relationship together.

When you share the same household without the contract of marriage, you find yourself tolerating things that maybe you wouldn't if it were "forever and ever".

Bottom line of blog today: IF you are not getting what YOU want from just co-habitating with your significant other - it's up to you to decide if it's worth it. In five or ten years, they could run out on you and there you are: sitting there mad as hell that you "wasted" all those years of wanting something that didn't materialize. Now, the flip side could be this: there you are relieved that you didn't marry the dude or dudette. :-)  ULTIMATELY, it's YOUR decision, so don't pin it on anyone else.