Loves me, Loves me Not....
The rubber-band relationship. The emotionally exhausting relationship. SOME of the time your partner is present with you, some of the time he/she isn't. They come back and go away- either physically or emotionally, either way - they are either with you or without you. And you stand there - wondering what is going to happen next?
Is your partner going to suddenly lose it and go off on you with a tangent over some innocent comment that you make?
Is your partner going to suddenly refer to you with cute pet names and be loving?
Sounds bi-polar to me, but since I'm no psychologist, I really can't diagnose what the problem is.
However, I can tell you that the problem is not YOU. Don't assume your partner's issues. Obviously they run deep, and sometimes he/she remembers them and points fingers at you because of some innocent comment you make that triggers the response mechanism.
Now that you clearly understand that it's not YOU, here's what you need to do. You have choices/decisions to make. Do you want to "hang in there" hoping that Mr./Ms. Wonderful is going to appear - the few glimpses that you've seen of that person? OR, do you walk away, ripped heart in hand, and call it a day?
Bear in mind that if you DO walk away, your rubber-band mate will come back. The "boomerang syndrome". They won't live with you, and yet they can't live without you. This happens MOST of the time. In the other case, your partner has so thoroughly convinced him/herself that you are the devil incarnate, and will convince you of the same (thus robbing you of your self-respect and self-esteem) and run off into the fiery pit that he/she has created (oh, but YOU actually created it...NOT) maintaining all the while that it's got to be about YOU. If your partner stopped to think (I know, asking the impossible) he/she might just have a moment of enlightenment when he/she realizes that it's not YOU, it's the issues that were never resolved that keep appearing in every relationship that he/she has experienced.
Boomerang, Rubber-band - back and forth - why? It doesn't have to be this complicated. You should feel that you have a safe space to express yourself to your partner. Not an "accusation" per se, just something that may be bothering you that if you aired it, you would have the opportunity to show him/her a way that your relationship can grow.
If your partner is resistant, defiant, defensive- obviously you've got a partner not interested in growing the relationship with you. Or, at least not now.... after a few days or weeks, they boomerang back.
I hope you have the strength to realize a rubber-band relationship, and cut the loop. Otherwise, you will be snarled in that loop...to ME, it's just burning daylight.
Make it a great Wednesday & I send you angels,
Jane