Manspeake 301 - The Relationship
Time to relax, you've got the relationship you wanted. He's committed. He's professed his undying love for you and you can kick back now and enjoy the moments. Yes? Um, actually, no.
Nowhere in the world of relationships does it state that once the commitment is made, the work stops. This is when the REAL work begins. As stated previously in other blogs, relationships are the most difficult animal in the world to feed, nurture and maintain. Why? Because ONE of you is not willing to bend with the ego.
Here are some very quick tips about keeping the commitment in your relationship:
1. Choose your battles. Just as you do with any two-year old, there are some things that just aren't worth the fight. *gasp* Yes, there will be spats because we have ego. Is it more important to you to make sure he is on time or is it more important to you to make sure he respects you? Although they really are one in the same. If he calls and says he's going to be late, he respects you. If he calls and says he's going to be late, he'll see you "soon"....well, HUGE difference.
2. Don't force the confrontation. When he's ready to talk, he will. If you force it you're asking for a blow-up. Yes, I know that YOU have needs and YOUR need to talk is important. I don't know of any relationship that's been repaired screaming and yelling pointing fingers at each other. "Can we talk NOW?" is fair enough. If the answer is "About what?" then you know that he's still being bratty, and doesn't want to talk.
3. Recognize an apology. It can be subtle, but know it as an apology. We're people. We don't like to admit when we're "wrong" about something. When he offers to do something for you, or is intent on cleaning the yard - this is HIS way of admitting he was wrong, and it's HIS apology to you. Thank him. Do you REALLY need to hear "I was wrong"??? His actions will demonstrate this.
4. Keep the romance alive. Critical point here. Romance is part of the animal of your relationship and it requires three square meals a day, and snacks. It's imperative that you feed this aspect of your relationship. Love notes are great, Victoria's Secret is fine, whatever you choose to do, KEEP IT ROMANTIC....
5. Laugh. PERIOD. Laughter is the best medicine for the soul. In the midst of a heated spat, step back - take a good look: isn't this something that you two should be laughing about???
6. Finally, If you are afraid to be yourself, most likely you manipulated the relationship to the commitment stage. Go back and re-read the books that got you there in the first place. You had to have missed the chapter on "BE YOURSELF". If you're suddenly tip-toeing around because you're fearful that he'll leave, chances are he DOES think you're someone that you pretended to be: patient, tolerant of his bad behavior, non-controlling, etc. etc. Do yourself a favor and toss out the "how to grab a man" books and start over. If you weren't yourself to begin with, or you had ulterior motives, you've got a doomed relationship anyway.
Of course there are more to add to the list, but basically I feel that these are the ones worth noting. And, if YOU are having problems in YOUR relationship, I'm here for you.
Sending you angels,
Jane