My Best Friend Hates My Boyfriend
I have a particular situation involving a friend of mine. Recently, she confided in me that she is absolutely torn - her best friend hates, despises, and constantly criticizes her boyfriend. She doesn't want to lose either one of them, but both are forcing her to continually make decisions which put her in the position to choose between them. Hunh?
How does one choose a best friend over a love life?
The arguments that occur are centered on either the best friend or the boyfriend, depending upon who she is with. The best friend tells her that her boyfriend is controlling, abusive, and destroying her life (whose life is she talking about, I wonder). Of course, the boyfriend tells her the same thing that her best friend is controlling, abusive, and a negative influence.
What to do? I suggested that she stop the insanity, and tell them both to go duke it out in a dark ally. IF her best friend truly cared for her, she wouldn't put her in this position. Likewise for the boyfriend. So what if neither like each other?
I feel that the bottom line is fear - he is fearful that this girlfriend/best friend is going to influence his girlfriend to the point where she will listen and eventually dump him. The 'best friend' is fearful that she will lose her friend, and not have anyone to pal around with. Both of these people have control issues and are using this woman in a tug of war, just to trump each other.
It is a sad situation, but can it be resolved so that (in the infamous words of Rodney King) they can all just get along? It's not a matter of who is more important than whom. She loves her boyfriend and her best friend equally (although differently). So why, I ask myself, is this woman being put in a position to choose? Both are making unreasonable demands on her.
My solution was for them all to sit down and have a "Come to Jesus" talk, get it all out in the open and try to resolve the issues. If that doesn't work, then what? If it were ME, I told this woman that maybe neither of these people are nurturing her growth and perhaps it was time to move forward with her life. That didn't sit well, either, because then the choice she was forced to make was dump them both.
Sometimes, life hands us challenges that - unfortunately, we do have to make choices that are difficult, but ultimately better for our growth.
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I'm available for your calls today
and hope you have a Fabulous Wednesday!
Sending you angels,
Jane