The Angel's Loft

Soul Searching......

Finally! I found it...huddled in the corner of the dark dank basement surrounded by the emptiness, a small light just barely emitting from it.  I cautiously stepped closer, and could see what was carelessly tossed lying on the floor circled at its base:  "Self Love" "Self Respect" "God's Unconditional Love". As I approached and got nearer to these, every time I reached for one, sparks came off of it preventing me to touch it. It got darker and darker.

I decided to refine my approach, and ask it questions.

"Why are you down here in the dark?"

The answer I received was a bit shocking...

"Because this is where I feel comfortable."

"In the dark?", I asked in astonishment, "Where it's cold and damp?"

"Yes." it said in a monotone. "I don't deserve to be anywhere else."

Ah, now we were getting somewhere.

"What do you mean by this?"

"I gave up a long time ago. I got so tired of giving and giving, and not getting anything back. I am not worthy of love."

I picked up "God's Unconditional Love" and handed it over. "Hold this" I told it.

When it reached for it, the dim light got slightly brighter.

"Now, remember what this was like?" I asked. "You always have this with you whether you believe this or not - whether you like it or not. It's always with you so you can't discard it."

"God's Unconditional Love" was absorbed into it, and for just a second, it glowed a bit brighter.

I picked up "Self Love" and handed it over. "Hold this!" I commanded.

"Oh, no - I can't. I really don't deserve it," it said in a tiny voice- barely a whisper.

"And why is it that you think you don't deserve Self Love?" I asked. "You have God's Unconditional Love, and with that you should love yourself just as God does. You deserve it just by Being what you are."

I shoved it at the small glowing light and forced it inside. The shape began to glow brighter, and the darkness finally lit up a bit. I could see there was one more and that was "Self Respect".

"No. I don't want that," it said. "It was torn from me so long ago."

"And your 'comfortable' being a victim of your own created thoughts?" I asked, getting a bit disgusted. "Do you not realize that if you have God's Unconditional Love, and Self Love, that Self-Respect embraces both of these?"

"What do you mean created thoughts?"

"These are thoughts that you think to be true, when in fact, they are false." I continued with my litany adding "You may be a lost soul, but somewhere in the mix, a human mind started lies about you. Those lies began with the fact you  don't feel worthy, you are comfortable in the dark, you can't get what you want in love, you don't feel loved, nothing good ever happens to you... these are all untruths and basically lies - don't you get it?"

"You will sit here in the dark, while the rest of the world dances in the light. You have a choice. But, it's your choice. You may choose Light, or you may choose dark. You may choose Heaven, or you may choose to remain in your hell - but it's your choice."

I tossed "Self Respect" at it, and left the scene, climbing the stairs up - out of the dark basement. I lingered at the threshold of the steps for a minute- hoping that I was being followed, but when I turned - nothing was there.

A couple of years later I remember I was in the rose garden, smelling the flowers enjoying the sunlight, and going about my daily routine. I bent down to pick up some potting soil and when I was upright - I was taken by surprise to see it there- glowing in full blown white light. Without preamble, or grandiose gesture - the soul came into the light and was just Being. We shared a smile - a deeply loving smile that only is allowed when all of the elements come together.

It took it a while to digest all of our conversation on that fateful day in the dark basement. It took a while to absorb all that it was entitled to, and to understand the untruths and why it believed them - and even longer, still, to discard those untruths and realize they were false.

"To experience the essential Self, we have to see life as a whole, rather than through a hole."