The Angel's Loft

Ten Ways to Avoid Being "Plan B"

Well, you've begged and begged for the Universe to please bring him back (or her -  because I don't want to appear gender specific). Your Ex-significant-other magically appears one day, pouring his heart out to you with accolades of how much you have meant to him;  how his life was totally dead and uneventful without you, and that YOU are the ONLY one he's been able to think about every since the two of you parted ways.

You listen, and you find your heart overflowing with all the pain and resentment you felt when he unceremoniously dropped your heart in front of a semi truck, and danced merrily off into the sunset with the creature he met at a bar a few weeks ago. You want to believe what is being said is true. You need to believe that you are the one that made the difference in his life, and it is necessary for you to believe you are the one that is the brilliant star that makes his heart shine.

You take the bait.

Then you don't hear from him (or her, because - again - I don't want to appear gender specific).

What happened????

You made it TOO EASY for him/her to waltz back into your life. To HIM (or her) it was just a check to ensure that YOU are still pining away for the relationship....(or, as I would call it "Plan B").

How do you avoid being "Plan B"? It's not easy, but here are a few tips:

1. Do NOT dwell on how great the relationship was (it did break up for a reason).

2. Do NOT sit alone by the phone hoping that it will ring.

3. Find some powerful music and listen to it! (Avril Lang's "I can do Better" is a great start).

4. Release the resentment, and be GRATEFUL that you were dumped. It gives you the opportunity to find someone better.

5. Allow yourself a BRIEF mourning period. Suffering a loss of any kind deserves a mourning period. If he/she cheated, the mourning period should not take very long.

6. The FIRST time he/she comes around - do NOT contribute to their litany extolling your virtues - let it soak in and tell them you'll think about it.

7. The SECOND time he/she comes around, let them know you're still considering it. Smile sweetly as you say this, it will demonstrate that you are sincere.

8. The THIRD time he/she comes around, tell them you'll discuss it with your current significant other (and this could be ANYONE - your dog is a good place to start).

9. The FOURTH time he/she comes around, let them know that you need to actually SEE the behavior changes, and are not enthralled with empty words and promises.

10. The FIFTH time he/she comes around, tell them you will go to dinner and see how that goes with them.

The whole point is simple. If you do NOT want to BE a "Plan B" - you must train your attitude to be "Plan A".... and this means make your ex WORK FOR YOU! If you hold a "Plan A" frame of mind, you will get the respect that "Plan A's" deserve!

BE the "Plan A"!