WHY He is a Marriage-a-Phobic....
It's always baffled me why SOME men (and SOME women) can be so anti-marriage, yet stay in a long term relationship as if he WERE married. There's something about a "piece of paper" that sends people cringing and into anxiety attacks so deep no amount of Xanax is going to calm them down. So, always the inquisitive mind, I had a very interesting and enlightening conversation last night with a man that is 48 years old, never married, and hey guess what? He has no INTENTION of EVER getting married. Why?
He appeared to have his answers to me down pat - rehearsed, as if he'd been asked this a thousand times on David Letterman, Conan, and Oprah. First, he said, it's only a piece of paper. (oh, really?) "I'm committed to my significant other, she's the mother of our child, and that's all there is to that". Then, he continued, "there's the financial end of it. I've worked really hard all my life and for what? Just so someone that I marry can take it all when we get divorced?"
Well, I began asking, "Aren't you sorta setting this up for failure to begin with? I mean, seriously, if you are already talking divorce....and, furthermore, God did create the Pre-Nup for a reason....right?"
"Oh, Jane, he said. It's not that shallow there's more to it. I've seen all my friends now that are on their 2nd and 3rd, sometimes 4th marriage. To ME, it just doesn't work. I've had two significant relationships - one that lasted 17 years, and my present one that is going on 10 years. I'm happy, I CONSIDER her my "wife", but to legally put it in terms - it just doesn't mean that much to me."
I pondered on this for a second (I'm a little impatient...) and asked him "but what about HER? She WANTS to ensure her security, and ensure that you aren't going to leave her at the drop of a hat, and wants you to be faithful to her. SHE feels that marriage will resolve some of these issues."
"Jane, he began, if I'm going to be unfaithful, it doesn't matter if I'm married or not- right?" (good point, I have to agree). "We have all of the components of marriage, I just don't want to have a FAILED one."
And with that, it dawned on me WHY he's committed to her but won't marry her - it's HIM. He has been so successful in his life that he doesn't want his relationship status to be viewed as a FAILURE.
So, Ladies and Gentlemen out there in blogland, with that one word "FAILURE", I believe that I've discovered the number ONE reason why men (and some women) will NOT consider marriage as an option.
Make it a FABULOUS day!
Sending you angels,
Jane