Women: 10 Reasons WHY He isn't "In to You"
"Give me details" the caller insisted. And all I could do was see a blank wall. The person that I was being asked about showed nothing. There was emotional distance, there were no emotions pointing toward the caller - there was nothing. I couldn't satisfy the caller, and she hung up on me. Well, I've been with Keen for almost 9 years, and trust me, it wasn't the first time that a caller has hung up on me....especially when I can't paint a rosy picture....
I did some research among strangers on other sites, I posed the question, "What is it about a woman that makes you "not into her" and once you close the book on emotional responses toward that woman, does it ever change?" I thought it was a pretty good question, considering the fact that my caller was adamant that "his feelings were going to change".
I put together a top ten list of the responses I got, and I'd like to share them with you:
1. He LIKES your personality, but he just isn't attracted to you.
2. If you come on too strong to him, it's a turn off.
3. Value systems are different
4. Cultural differences
5. Physically he isn't attracted to you
6. You are not what he sees himself with for a long term future
7. He's not ready to commit to anyone, and you aren't even on the list if he were ready
8. Distance is a factor - it's not convenient to see you, and he isn't willing to make the effort.
9. You may be too deep for him. He wants to have fun, and all you want to do is talk about the relationship and where it's going
10. You remind him too much of his ex, and he's "been there, done that", and is not going to give you the opportunity to prove different.
Given the above reasons why a guy would step away from a relationship, or potential relationship, it does put us (as advisors) into a bit of a precarious position. To give "details" would most certainly hurt the caller, and make us appear "negative". How do you accentuate the "positive" when, in fact, the ONLY positive is to suggest the caller move on and put herself out there for someone that actually WILL respond to her and return her efforts?
It is very difficult to deliver a soft approach to telling someone WHY he won't be the love of her life. It's not "details" that the caller wants, it's validation that the precious time that has been invested into a man won't go unrewarded.
As to the other part of my question, when I asked this group of men: "Will you "change" your emotions toward a woman"? ... the results were an overwhelming 'NO'. The stipulation put on it was only that if he had gotten to know her, considered dating her, then thought otherwise - the emotions remain in the "Friend" file. If he had just met her, and the jury was out on potential relationship, then there is a probability that "friend" can be re-classified. In a long-term situation where the two had known each other for some time, NO, a "change in emotions" wasn't going to happen. He has already determined you are not his "type" - although he LIKES you, and appreciates you - you are not whom he sees being the mother of his children, or his wife.
I hope this assists some of you with wondering WHY and wanting DETAILS about someone that you are directing your emotional energies into. I have concluded that there really is no way for me to answer "What is it about ME that he doesn't like?" without hurting the caller. And, honestly, most of the time there isn't ONE specific THING about you, it's simply that you're not the entire package that he is attached to in his mind. You are not who he sees himself with in the long run.
I'm available for your calls today, and I send you angels!
Jane