This article is about sex so if you are extremely uncomfortable with this topic do not read this post.

Women tend to strive for perfection in most areas of their lives but in the bedroom they will settle for less than they hoped for and less than they need.  In my private practice I often talk to women who are having difficulty in their relationships or suffer from depression and most don’t describe sex as a factor in their unhappiness unless asked.  On the other hand men have no problem venting about their frustration with sex (or lack of).  Why?  Is sex just not that important to women?  Do we not care about it?  Is there a reason why we should?

Sex is useful for more than meeting your matrimonial demands.  It is a stress reliever – the physical and emotional release of sex has many positive effects on one’s well-being.  There are a number of chemicals released during sex but my three favorites are endorphins, phenylethylamine and serotonin.  Endorphins create a euphoric and pleasurable sense of well-being; they are often what make you feel so relaxed that you drift off to asleep after sex.  Phenylethylamine is my absolute favorite because it is also found in chocolate – certain chocolate delicacies are arguably better than sex (can you say molten chocolate cake) because of phenylethylamine!  This nifty little chemical triggers the slow release of dopamine into the pleasure centers of the brain with a burst during orgasm that gives you that blissful toe-curling feeling.  A chemical many people have heard of is serotonin.  It is arguably what has the most positive and long lasting effect on depression.  Serotonin is used in modern ant-depressants as a mood regulator.  Orgasm releases a shot of serotonin that helps you feel contented, satisfied, and emotionally well. 

These same chemicals are released whether you are having sex with a partner or with yourself.  Yes ladies, I am talking about masturbation, and it is ok, in fact it is more than ok, it’s a great way to feel good.  You don’t have to feel ashamed, in fact, no one has to know!  If you have a partner it is imperative that you express yourself.  The funny thing is – most men like the idea of a woman providing them with some direction.  It can start out subtle (yes, yes, up, up) and if he doesn’t get it you can be more specific (dude, um, it’s the bump, not that hard to find).  You’ve got to take the step to be more open about sex with your partner, you don’t have to go crazy, just take some baby steps to get started.  If you are in a long term relationship you may find that he is a little startled, he probably thinks he is doing the right thing (especially with you fakers out there – no worries, we all fake at least occasionally).  Just tell him you want sex to get hotter so that you’ll be in the mood more often – most of them will see this as a ‘win’.

Seriously, I can understand why most women aren’t interested in sex – if it isn’t good it’s gross.  It’s hot, sweaty, sticky and messy… who wants that unless it comes with an orgasm?  Because most women are dissatisfied or obsessed with the way they look it becomes difficult to concentrate on getting what you want (need).  Ladies, good news is, the chemicals I mentioned above also make men ‘blind’… he isn’t going to notice all of those little things you are worried about.   

Sex really is about more than him, it’s about you too.  Don’t settle for anything but what you deserve which is a lifetime of orgasms!