THIS IS A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT SEX - IF YOU ARE NOT OVER 18 OR DON'T LIKE TO DISCUSS SUBJECTS OF A SEXUAL NATURE STOP NOW.

In my 'other' profession I work with both women and men on ways to find peace and a greater sense of joy in their lives.  I find the same is true on Keen - people are looking for happiness and what I see most often is a lack of confidence and in relationships there is a great deal of frustration around sex.  Because I spend time talking to both women and men I feel like I have gained some insight into what causes sex to be blah, blah, blah instead of hot, hot, hot.

Women believe men to be visual creatures and certainly they are - heck, 'porn' is usually number 1 in overall search terms on the net - but men are also turned on by confidence and self-assurance.  They may watch porn, stare at beautiful women and masturbate to their favorite hottie but that doesn't mean you can't 'trick' (I'll explain) them into seeing you as more desirable than the fantasy women in their heads.  Men are taught to be visual, to worship the impossible to attain female body, but they do also have minds that you can stimulate.

So how do you stimulate his mind?  Be confident - between the sheets those extra pounds or ugly feet mean very little when you are enjoying yourself.  If you aren't enjoying yourself and leave less than satisfied he'll feel like a failure.  Sex is not an act of desperation but women are sometimes put into the position to treat it as such.  Why?  Because it is the very thing that men seem to want most.  It is why sex starts to be used as a weapon in relationships or a means of barter rather than a way to feel close to your partner or at the very least have a moment of release!  Approaching sex in a confident way can truly lead to a mind-blowing experience regardless of your appearance. 

Men are also equally confused and lack self-confidence.  They are usually concerned about their um, hmm, yeah 'appearance' and whether or not they are adequate.  Sometimes they are desperate to please and this makes them act in mechanical ways or rush so they appear to be insane with desire.  Usually these behaviors aren't selfish (although sometimes they are and boy have I heard horror stories) but they are in reaction to the fear that they can't satisfy you - again the media suggests that the average woman requires a ton of foreplay (and the right foreplay) to orgasm while the women in porn orgasm instantly (over and over again!).  This causes the same level of performance anxiety in men and creates a lack of sexual confidence.

So how do you become more confident?  Know that you have what they want and behave accordingly.  Talk to your partner - don't be afraid to express your desire or ask for advice about what they need.  Women - be yourself, feel good about yourself regardless of all the flaws you may think you have, learn to love your body and learn to take control of your sexuality through exploration.  Men, porn is ok but don't use it in place of real women - the 'advice' you get from porn is highly inaccurate and will impact you in a negative way if you let it.  The road to sex is not paved with porn, it is paved with self-confidence and a desire to learn about real women and their needs and desires. 

Wanna talk about sex or sexuality?  Do you have a topic you are afraid others may think of as taboo or may treat in a judgmental way?  Call me, I can help in an open and accepting way.