I'd Do the Right Thing, if I Knew What the Right Thing Was
One of the delights of growing older is the comfort factor. In so many situations now, I know what I should do, or say.
However, I have never lost sight of how difficult it was to be younger, and have so much attention focused on me. The young, attractive person, male or female, attracts a lot of attention in any situation. And when they claim to feel awkward, because they are in certain situations for the very first time, people say, "What a ridiculous way to feel! What is the matter with you?"
It's because people infuse youth with power. "You're the youngest, slimmest, best-looking person in the room! You should know exactly what to do at this funeral/wedding/first date."
I had a profound lesson in behavioral guidelines one afternoon when I was a kid, in my mother's kitchen.
It was her birthday. She had no special expectations or plans, except dinner out with my dad.
My adult brother stopped by for a visit.
He chatted about what was happening in his life, dished up the news, and finally asked my mother what was new with her.
"We're going out to dinner for my birthday," she said, and my brother was suddenly mortified by his forgetfulness and thoughtlessness.
He fell all over himself apologizing. "I'm so sorry! I've been so busy! I forgot!"
He went on and on: "I, I, I - me, me, me."
Finally my mother smiled and said, "Darling, just say, 'Happy Birthday!'"
My brother said, "Happy birthday, Mother!"
Whenever I find myself in an awkward situation in which I don't know what to do or say, I think of that encounter. I think of the other guy - his expectations or her needs.
For example, have you noticed how, on your birthday, people call to apologize for not getting a card to you on time? They tell you about how busy and burdened they are. By the end of your special day, you've spent several hours listening to people's problems! Granted, I am always grateful for birthday calls and the friends who make them, but my point is this.
Mail the card or send the e-mail on time, or call and say, "Happy birthday! How are you?"
The right thing almost always involves thinking of the other guy. (Unless you're in a situation where you must take care of yourself - which we'll address in other blog posts.)
When in doubt, "Darling, just say 'Happy Birthday!'"