Love, Specifically
It is a trendy spiritual exercise now to make a list of the qualities one seeks in a significant other. One is supposed to put this list in a drawer, or tack it onto a "wish board."
I would like to say a little something here about the dangers of thinking specifically when it comes to love.
When I was young, back in the Stone Age, blind dates were usually arranged by a mutual friend. (Now the Internet has replaced the well-meaning friend.)
I had a friend who, for some reason, found my singlehood absolutely unbearable. She was very unpleasant about the fact that I was unmarried, and she was always trying to set me up on blind dates. I was able to laugh her off until the day she hurt me to the quick by saying, "What the hell is the matter with you? Won't a man have you?"
Ouch.
I accepted her next offer to set me up on a blind date.
Now, since I enjoy a good time, a cocktail and a joke, and like to do silly impressions, and sing and play the piano, my friend and I both assumed that I would be compatible with an outgoing man.
So she produced an outgoing man. An extremely outgoing man.
How I kept from strangling that loudmouthed joker is one of the mysteries of my life. He sang. He played the piano. He drank and told jokes. And he never shut up.
Afterward, when my friend wanted a complete report on the date, I found myself saying something that I didn't know about myself.
I said, "You know, when I am relaxing at home, I like to read and write. I don't have a Great Big Personality at home, and I wouldn't want to live with one."
I didn't know that about myself until after that date.
I married a few years later (and the wait nearly killed my friend). I married an extremely quiet man and together we endured a lot of jokes about opposites attracting.
But together at home, we created a quiet, peaceful retreat. Also, we both work at home, and are together 24/7. And let me tell you something - being together 24/7 requires a lot of minding your own business. A lot.
But way back when, if I had had to compile a list of the qualities that I thought were most compatible with my own - yikes! I would have married and divorced a few stand-up comedians by now.
All I'm saying is this: If you're compiling a list, be as specific as they tell you to be, but don't forget to leave a little skootch room for those things you don't yet know about yourself.