My Love Affair (with Myself)
A young woman caller once announced to me, "I don't love myself."
I asked her, "What would be the signal that would give you the green light to begin loving yourself?"
After a long pause, she said, "Oh, I dunno. Maybe if I lost ten pounds."
I said, "I know just what you mean. I plan on loving myself just as soon as my breasts get bigger."
When you think about it, what is the criteria for loving yourself?
I think there is none.
I believe that there is a big difference between loving yourself and approving of yourself. I have always loved myself, but I have often disapproved of myself.
Disapproving of myself hasn't been destructive. In fact, it has been just the opposite. Whenever I simply settled down and allowed myself to quietly feel the emotion, I worked my way through to an analysis of where I went wrong, how others played a part, and how I could modify my behavior in the future so as not to disappoint myself in that particular way again.
And how was I able to do this? With love. Love for myself.
I hear from so many people who think that being hard on themselves is a virtue. They boast about their misery, and the misery they cause others.
This cultural attitude has bled into our psyches so deeply, that we've come to believe there is something to be gained in hating ourselves.
Good grief.
Here is what I told my caller: Love yourself anyway. Go ahead. You have to earn nearly everything else in your life, from your salary to the respect of others - why not just open your heart and give yourself love?
Earn your own respect, but give yourself the gift of love.