Ring, Ring! It's Romance Calling!
Isn't it odd that communication has never been easier - or more difficult? My clients have home phones, cell phones, call waiting, caller I.D., E-mail, instant messaging, chat rooms and text messaging - and what is their question for me? "When am I going to hear from him?"
So many communication options give people much too much to worry about:
Did I send the message to the right address?
Did he see the message?
Is he ignoring the message?
Is he checking his messages?
Did he misunderstand the message, and take it the wrong way?
Did he see my number on the Caller I.D. and brush me off?
Did I leave the message on the phone he never checks for messages?
Two hundred years ago, when I was dating, people didn't even have answering machines. One simply dialed a number, and a person picked up the phone and said, "Hello?" or he didn't. End of story.
We had only three little things to obsess about:
He knew it was me, and didn't pick up the phone.
He is out with someone else.
He is sleeping, or into a TV show, or out doing something fun with the guys.
That was it. We had only three little things to drive us nuts. Oh, we made the most of them, believe me. We went as nuts as we could.
However, now there are so many methods of communication to drive a person crazy! If I were dating now, I think that this is what I would do.
I would say to my love interest, "Please contact me only by phone, at my home, after 9:00." (Or some other place, at some other time.)
I would make it special, exclusive and romantic.
Have you ever heard about turn-of-the-century French prostitutes who reserved one special part of their bodies for their true lovers? They would not allow their customers to touch them between the shoulder blades, for example, or the small of their backs.
They kept these parts of themselves private, for themselves and their lovers.
If I were dating now, I think I would take a leaf from that book, and tell my new love that I would only be available for his phone calls at only a certain time, and on a certain communication device.
For example, I would specify e-mails after 10:00 p.m.; or phone calls only at home, after dinner; or phone calls at noon, on my lunch breaks.
Not only would this reduce the terrible anxiety I see in my clients who await a message from one of a dozen places at any time at all, it would add a special romantic quality to the encounter.
Most importantly, it would establish continuity. It would give the shy man or woman the confidence to say, "Why didn't you call last night?"
Trust me. I know. The man who eventually became my husband called every night at 10:00 to say "good night." Sigh. It was the most romantic thing in the world.
Now, take a Maalox and an aspirin and whisper to that girl or guy that you'll be available for a call, a text message or a chat only at an appointed hour.
Taking away a man's or a woman's "right" to call, text or e-mail you anytime he or she darn well feels like it, will lead to good things - and save your nerves!