Soulmates - Ha!
I don't believe in the soulmate theory.
It is difficult to believe in both a loving God, and a God who assigns only one love to a customer. That would be uncharacteristic of the Entity who created the sensually irresistible need for sleep, the fragrance of pine trees, and Lucille Ball.
I've had Keen Callers get so worked up about the idea of there being only one person in the world who's right for them that they ask questions such as, "What if I miss meeting the guy? What if I don't take the faraway job at which I might meet him?"
Oh, darlings, why do you suppose people in Athens, Georgia marry people in Athens, Georgia? Calm down!
I'd like to present my home-grown theory on soulmates.
[Clears throat as lights dim and slide show begins.]
I think that the idea of soulmates has gained more creedence in modern times, because people have become so vague about defining their romantic relationships. They don't declare themselves.
Think of it. We label our other relationships all the time.
"She's my best friend."
"He's like a second father to me."
"We're like brothers."
We label every relationship but our closest one.
When it comes to a label for the relationship you have with the person with whom you're sexually intimate - good luck. If you're lucky enough to get a "We're just friends," pop the champagne!
Speaking of "just friends," if an old boyfriend of mine had also had sex with his good friend George, I, too, would have considered myself "just a friend." (Wait a minute - I think that did happen to me!)
This reminds me of a two-year love affair I had with a young man. Over a drink with a pal, I praised the young man to the skies.
My friend said, "Well, what's stopping you? Why aren't you living together, engaged or married?"
Indeed, what was stopping me? It was then that I realized that I had no idea how the man felt about me. And I had been sleeping with him for two years.
This is an era in which people don't dare cut loose and say, "You're the one for me!" I think that this is why we embrace the idea of predestination. God, or destiny, or the stars have to say that I Am The One For Him - because he sure ain't saying it.
I think that sometimes we have to find the courage to ask, "How do you feel about me? Here is how I feel about you. Where is this going?"
More importantly, our lovers need to resist the urge to recite the usual tired old answers designed to keep us uninformed, hopeful - and accessible. You know the script: "I was hurt before and I'm not sure I can love again."
They need to trust enough that an honest answer probably isn't going to make a lover into a stalker.
I am not going to say that smug thing that safely married people used to say to me. "If he doesn't give you the right answer, he's not worth having." I think that sometimes safely married people forget how intensely lonely single life can be, and how comforting and entertaining company can be.
However, I will say this. I believe that when we can muster the courage to say, "You're the one for me!" that we will no longer look to the skies for answers, but to each other.