The Sad Girls Club
Have you seen the show, "The Bad Girls Club"? I make no apologies for enjoying television, because I live in a remote mountain town. There's nothing to do here but watch the sun damage your skin and watch televison.
On one hand, I enjoy the show. On the other hand, the hand that deals my Tarot cards, I feel terrible for these girls.
They don't seem to realize how they've boxed themselves into old, airless self-images.
"That's the way I am," they bark in those hoarse, desperate voices. "I've always been this way; I'll never change." The other phrase they repeat is, "I don't care; I don't care!"
That, to me, is the language of giving up. Who speaks of "never changing" in her early twenties? That's the time when one should be exploring books, music, movies, politics, friendship, other languages, food, poetry, sports - you name it.
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the permission to grow and change. What is the point of locking into some never-changing image, and imposing it on everyone by endlessly proclaiming, "This is who I am! I'll never change!"
There is a Tarot card that means a person has allowed herself to be defined by what she perceives to be her unavoidable legacy. "Dad was a drinker, so so am I." Or, "Mom couldn't choose a good man, and neither can I." "My sister is the pretty one, and I'm the ugly one."
Can you see the lack of originality in this type of thinking? That's what people mean when they talk about everyone being creative. It's not just creating a painting or a sculpture.
Creating yourself is the ultimate creative endeavor.
One of the greatest joys of my life has been creating myself. I don't talk like the people in the rough-and-tumble urban neighborhood in which I grew up, because I didn't like the sound. I changed my voice and vocabulary to something more pleasant. Why not? Lots of people do it.
I read interesting things, and forced myself to listen to music I thought I might not like. To my surprise, I ended up enjoying Chopin - and George Jones, too!
I love feeding things into my head and watching them come out in my personality. For example, seeing myself as a work in progess makes it easier to approach new people. I haven't dead-bolt locked my perception of myself into that of a woman who will only be accepted by a certain kind of person. It's not confidence, exactly, just a sparky hope that people will treat me well.
One of the most startling things I've learned is how nice people are when asked to explain things. I'll often say, "I don't know what that word means," or, "What does that phrase mean?" Most of the time, people just toss off a quick, nice explanation and keep going. Not a big deal.
And I walk away with more knowledge, and a greater appreciation for that person. Bingo!
If I ruled the world, I'd take those Sad Girls aside and beg them to have the guts to calm down and let the world in. Say "I don't know," once in a while. Say nothing once in a while. Listen. Breathe. Entertain the notion of changing your mind.
Tap into the glorious power of change.