Things to Do to Spread the Love
The word "thoughtful" is interesting. One of its meanings is, "to be considerate."
I came late in life to thoughtfulness, and now I get a big kick out of doing things for people. When I think of all the years people did the most wonderful things for me, and I just took them as my due - oy. What was I thinking - or not thinking?
Anyway, I love dreaming up nice things to do. Not gooey, mushy, things, but thoughtful things. I like to think of them as that pebble in the pond.
Such as:
Taking a dozen rolls of Certs to a wake, and giving a roll apiece to the family members who have been standing there for hours, being kissed and hugged by people who stand an inch away from them, talking. Only a couple of times has someone looked at my Certs and said, "What?!" Most people say, "Oh, thank goodness! I've been here for hours! Gimme those!"
Sending birthday cards, and sending them on time. I don't call people on their birthdays and whine about sending their cards late because I'm so busy and disorganized and me, me, me, I, I, I. A birthday should be about the birthday boy or girl. (I call and whine about my life on the next day!)
Remembering people's names. It's easy enough. Just set your mind to it. The lie, "I'm no good with names" is right up there with, "I'll call you." Everyone knows that not remembering names it isn't a quirky little personality flaw that some people have. Everyone knows that it is simply the thing that people say when they couldn't care less about you. Ouch. It's okay to not care about a perfect stranger, but announcing it to her face is just a little cruel, don't you think? She might be a very nice lady who had a rough day, who would enjoy the pleasant feeling of being acknowledged by name.
(Last week I met a woman named Patricia who wore very pink lipstick. I logged "Patty in Pink" in my head, and that was that. It ain't rocket science, gang.)
Complimenting people in an original way. As much as I love and appreciate compliments (which come few and far between as I get older), the phrase, "You look good," makes me feel like the freshest-looking piece of mackerel in the butcher case.
And being complimented on my clothing makes me feel like drapes: "I love the print of that blouse!"
A long-ago movie goddess once said, "If they say, 'I love your dress!' instead of 'You look fabulous!' - you're in the wrong dress."
I like to compliment people in ways as original as possible. If I see someone in a flattering color, I'll say, "Oh, you must have chosen that as your signature color long ago, because it compliments your pretty skin perfectly!"
You can't beat that one: I've complimented her sense of style, her choice of clothing, and her skin. It's a triple play!
A stylish friend of mine once told me that I was the most naturally good-looking woman she had ever seen. (I think it was her tactful way of saying that I should wear make-up and do something with my hair, but I decided to just accept it as a nice compliment.) Twenty-five years later it still boosts my confidence. That's the power of an originally-worded compliment. It's a power that can vanquish those nasty comments that have such lasting power. That's why it's important to cherish and hold close the kind words said to you; they're an antidote for the mean words. Don't shrug off compliments, or disbelieve them. Eat 'em up like chocolate cake, and share with everyone around you by spreading more compliments around. Cake for everyone!
Thinking of something to do for someone who is sick. My husband has spent the last three years recovering from a catastrophic illness. During his long coma, hospitalization and ongoing home recovery, people were always asking me, "What can I do? What can I do?"
I was grateful and gracious, but one day I finally blew. I said, "Don't you think I have enough to do without inventing homework for you? Use your head! What the hell do you think you can do?"
After all, it wasn't as if our needs were so exotic. We still needed to eat, shovel snow, fetch groceries and prescriptions. Our friends seemed to think they might be called upon to draw and analyze blood.
It doesn't take much imagination. Sick people eat, and so do their caregivers. Just call and ask what everyone enjoys. Be specific, assertive. Say, "I want to help. I want to do this." Ask when the best time to deliver something might be. Package it up in a disposable container that can be easily heated in the microwave. Deliver it and leave.
You will have given the caregiver the night off from both cooking and cleaning up. Believe me, that's like a week-long vacation!
Saying thank you. I love writing and receiving thank you notes. The more old-fashioned they become, the more I like them.
Did you ever hear the story about the author who appeared on Oprah's Book Club show? Ms. Winfrey had been showcasing many first-time authors, and helping to make their books into best sellers by promoting them on her TV show.
Many of these authors wrote second books, and asked Ms. Winfrey if they could appear on her show again to promote their latest efforts. She said "no" to every author except one.
Why him? She said, "He was the only one who wrote me a thank you note."
Breathing while people speak. Do you know how some people just can't wait for you to stop talking so they can begin talking? My husband's quiet demeanor taught me something interesting. If you really relax and concentrate on your breathing while someone is speaking, and if you don't jump in immediately when they're done, they will often open up and tell you a little something more.
It's a habit that comes in handy when trying to have a romantic relationship with a very quiet man!
I know that there are millions of thoughtful people in the world, like you, but as I said, I discovered the joy of thoughtfulness late in life.