What is Different?
I think the surest way to capture someone's romantic attention is to behave in a way that is different from the stereotype they want to attach to you.
I thought of this again when I was reading a fashion magazine. In it, actress Jacqueline Bisset gave a short interview. Ms. Bisset, now middle-aged, was considered, in her prime, one of the most beautiful women in the world.
She was asked about young women today. She said, "They're awfully raucous, aren't they?"
I smiled and thought of all of the women I see each day in the art gallery I own with my husband. The drill goes like this.
I can say something amusing, and the woman customer will laugh long and loud.
Hmm, I'll think. I'm hilarious. I should have an HBO special.
Then my husband will say something in his quiet, serious way, and the woman will laugh long and loud.
Hmm, I'll think. Maybe I'm not so hilarious. Maybe I belong on Comedy Central.
Then the woman herself will say something serious and inquisitive, and follow it up by laughing long and loud.
Hmm, I'll think. I should be a mortician.
Some people laugh long and loud at everything. It might be merely a nervous tic, or even a sweet desire to make the other person feel funny and relaxed. Whatever it is, it isn't honest. It might be nervousness, or empathy. But as far as finding something funny is concerned, it is phony. And when you're talking to a funny person, it's a turn-off. He knows you're lying.
Or how about the people who think they're being risque? They go straight for the elementary school joke whenever they hear words such as "long" or "hole".
And how about the people who screech,"Whooooo! Whooooo!" in restaurants and bars? If that were shocking and rebellious, every woman in the country would be doing time.
In my gallery, I find that women gesture so broadly and flail their arms so frantically, that I sometimes have to run for my life! Instead of expressing themselves with words, they say, "It's like, you know, so amazing!" over and over again, while swinging their arms like windmills.
I spoke of this with a couple of really fine men friends of mine, and they told me something interesting. They said that the women who do not display these qualities are the women who capture their attention. They noticed the women who laughed at only the things they found funny; the women who didn't need to gesture wildly because they had vocabulary enough to express themselves; the women who didn't think being risque and screaming made them outlandish and different.
Now, to be fair, I ran the same question past some women friends. They said that the men who didn't use the same old lines on them captured their attention.
"I was hurt by my former girlfriend and I'll never love again." (a/k/a "Give me 100% of your love until I feel secure enough to reciprocate.")
"My ex-wife is crazy." (One woman made me laugh by saying, "Honeh, the first wife is always crazy!")
"I'll never marry." (Right. That's why there are so many 65-year-old never-married bachelors around.)
Women also expressed an interest in men who didn't measure potential compatibility with a woman by her ability to immediately embrace his interests. Car racing. Action movies. His buddy Joe.
What I am trying to say is, I think a lot of modern behavior that is supposed to express a person's liveliness, uninhibitedness and outspokenness has become cliche.
I think you can set yourself apart from the pack by digging deep and expressing real emotions. Laugh only at that which amuses you. Don't laugh at things you find stupid, or offensive. Say only the things that represent your true romantic feelings: "I might marry someday, but I certainly don't want to do so anytime soon". Or, "I'm the marrying kind. I'm not going to pretend that I am not interested in finding a mate."
Promises are easy to keep when you plan them carefully and speak them clearly: "Let's go to the movies on Saturday. I want Sunday to myself, though."
And now, it's time for a BIG laugh. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oy.