What to Do When You've Lost Something
Have you ever noticed that when we lose something - keys, checkbook, purse - we become absolutely obsessed with proving that the item should be exactly where it is not? We're angry. It should be right there and it is not. Instead of looking for the item, we waste time trying to prove that we've been betrayed. "Those keys should be right there!"
We recite a mantra over and over again. "I got out of the car. I walked in the house. I put down the groceries and then I put my keys right here!"
Well, honey, those keys aren't right there, are they? Yet we continue this recitation, and make ourselves crazy. "I got out of the car. I walked in the house. I put down the groceries and then I put my keys right here!"
The keys are not there. Finding them is a matter of looking, not emoting.
When something is well and truly lost, it usually means that you put the item in an unusual place.
This means that finding it requires thinking outside the box. Far outside the box.
Some people think much too far outside the box. They will look in the washing machine for car keys that have been missing for 10 minutes. Why? Because they simply cannot believe that those keys are not right where they put them! So they look in ridiculous places.
Maybe the person was desperate to visit the bathroom when she walked in the house with the groceries. She dashed for the bathroom with the keys in her hand, and set them on the edge of the tub, behind the shower curtain.
Or maybe she knew she would probably misplace her keys, so she uncharacteristically took the time to put them back in her purse before she grabbed the groceries and walked in the house.
Sometimes I find my keys on the shelf on which I keep my music CDs. I am such a music lover that I carefully put back the music I listened to in the car.
One rainy day, a friend of mine had her checkbook on her lap while she was driving. When she arrived home, she pulled into the driveway, stepped out of the car, and did not notice that her checkbook fell into the mud. On each of the subsequent days when she drove out of and into the driveway, she ground the checkbook farther into the dirt, until it was buried.
When she finally remembered that she had had the checkbook in her lap, she realized that it might have fallen off her lap and onto the driveway.
She examined the now bone-dry driveway, and saw no sign on the checkbook.
Had she had that same thought on the rainy evening on which she lost the checkbook, she would have found it.
My Tarot cards told her to dig in the driveway, and she did - by the driver's side door. There was the checkbook.
There are four things to think about when you lose something.
The first is trying to avoid losing things at all. Pay attention and take care of yourself. Don't let the pace of life today rush and confuse you. Visualize and prepare for the next thing you're planning to do, instead of seeing only as far as the end of what you're doing now. Merchants particularly want you out, out, out of the store. They have your money, now move! Get out! I need to wait on the next guy!
Instead of rushing through your purchase and throwing your checkbook on the car seat beside you because you were rushed out of the store, take care of yourself and think, "I'm going to need that at my next stop. I'd better put it in my purse."
Second, if you indeed lose something, only go through that "It should be right here!" mantra once. Don't make yourself crazy again and again. Obviously you didn't do the things you usually do, so don't obsess about why your keys aren't where they usually are. Start thinking outside the box as soon as you can.
Third, just look and don't think. Don't frustrate yourself with rumination. Open your eyes and look. When I misplace something, I walk around with a dustcloth. This makes me look in places I wouldn't think of looking in. I just give the house a quick 15-minute tidy up, which makes me look under chairs, empty wastebaskets, and look in the bathrooms.
Fourth, don't be so quick to assume the worst. Missing credit cards haven't always been stolen by thieves intent upon ruining our lives. Think outside the ripoff box, too. With the way people breathe down our necks when we make a purchase, it's no wonder we quickly pop our debit cards in the pocket of our pants, instead of taking the time to put them back in our wallets.
(Heck, I've been to a trendy coffee place only once in my life, because the pressure of ordering one of a thousand choices and the impatience of the people in line behind me, reminded me of taking the SATs!)
Perhaps we can agree that losing things is frustrating and time-wasting. I hope this helps!