When He Doesn't Call
Have you ever thought about how much attention we give to The Man Who Doesn't Call?
Honestly, how many things in our lives can preoccupy us as completely as The Man Who Doesn't Call? He might take second place to a jagged fingernail, but he's up there.
The fever to know whether he will call starts to climb before we leave his company. As we're getting out of his car, we're already running the promise through our personal lie detectors: Was he convincing? Do I believe him?
Now turn the tables and imagine that a man were as intensely preoccupied with you. Imagine that he were thinking about you day and night, awaiting your call: What is she doing? With whom? Is she with that old boyfriend she mentioned? Is she thinking about me? Did I come on too strong? Did I scare her away? After all, she was hurt once, and yak, yak, yak, thud.
Meanwhile, you're flossing your teeth and watching TV's newest reality show, "Keeping Up with This Week's Nobodies."
In other words, while you're going about your usual mundane activities, your indifference and his imagination have teamed up to elevate your image to that of a 1940's film noir mystery woman. Do I have a chance with her? Or is she in love with someone else? Is she standing on a runway in Casablanca listening to Humphrey Bogart say that they will always have Paris?
Here is my opinion. I think some men know what they're doing when they leave women to their own imaginations. Not calling a woman sometimes creates an aura of mystery, romance and longing around a man - who might be just a regular guy simply going about his own mundane activities.
In short, some women's imaginations can make a man seem more interesting - and some men know it.
So - what to do? Well, there is a Tarot card that offers some fine advice for situations such as these. It shows us how to assist people out of "withholding" behavior.
When a man says that he will call a woman, she can ask, "When?"
But that's a little too desperate-sounding for most of us. So there is the less aggressive, but no less assertive approach. When a man tells a woman that he will call, she can say, "Tuesday is best for me, between 11:00 and 1:00. I can't wait to hear from you! If I don't, I'll call you. Maybe we can arrange to get together." Pleasant voice, big smile.
I like this approach because if he says that Tuesday isn't good and Wednesday isn't so great, and Thursday is out, well - the lady knows the score.
I've taken my cards' advice. Before I married, I summoned my courage, cast aside my shyness, and told a fellow who promised to call me that I would expect his call the next evening at 10:00 p.m. Over the next few months, we had regular conversations, long and short. The frequent contact kept the relationship lively.
The frequent conversations kept us from getting bogged down in the desperate, depressing fantasies that flourish in silence. He didn't imagine that I saw him more as a potential husband than a human being; I didn't imagine the thousand reasons why he didn't want me. Instead, we got to know each other. It wasn't lonely as some romances can be.
Give it a try. Don't sit in silence after handing over all of your power to another person. Take back your power and get to know the object of your desire - and find out if you desire him at all.