When You Don't Need a Card Reader
I guess this is what's called shooting yourself in the foot, but I'd like to talk about when not to call a card reader.
An outrageous friend of mine summed it up perfectly in her window-shattering voice: "Rose, when a man tells you something rotten about himself - believe him!"
Now, my friend isn't a man hater, and neither am I - we've both been married to lovely men for centuries. In fact, when you think about it, her quote applies to any romantic interest, man or woman.
My point is this. Sometimes my Keen callers will be hurting because their romantic partners have voiced a gentle (and maybe even false-sounding) reason for wanting to end the relationship. The reasons range from the simple: "I am going to move to another state after I graduate," to the complicated: "I don't want to leave my wife and kids." And all of us have heard everything in between, haven't we? "I still think about my old girlfriend," and, "I've only been divorced for a few months," and, "I'm so busy at work."
My point is, in today's brutal dating climate, when a person is civilized and adult enough to offer a few parting words, no matter how vague those words might be, it's best to believe him. After all, some so-called adults, when they're no longer interested in a person, just stop calling - like clumsy 7th graders!
I can joke, but really, the experience of being ignored and cast aside by a person you thought loved you can be one of the most shattering a human can endure. It's almost like being told that you don't exist.
This is why the people who do make the effort to acknowledge the end of their relationships with us deserve our respect. They're saying, "You exist. You matter. You deserve my goodbye."
True, sometimes our love interests are so afraid of confrontation that they use very vague words - so vague, in fact, that they seem to offer hope where there is none! And sometimes the excuses don't ring true, because our love interests themselves don't really know why they can't sustain a relationship.
But really, cut these folks some slack by imagining exactly what your perfect goodbye would sound like. Do you really want to know why they think they don't want you anymore? And do you really want to hear why they think they can't sustain a relationship when they really don't know themselves? Do you really want to sit through a speech cobbled together from a few Lifetime Movies, a few Dr. Phil shows, and a few routines that worked on some other people?
(Twenty-five years ago a departing boyfriend leveled with me 100% and baby, I still wake up screaming.)
These confusing little speeches about dating others and new horizons are the closest you're going to get to a decent "goodbye." Very few people get the romantic goodbye speech on the mountaintop with the wine and the setting sun: "Harriet, I'll always love you, but I simply must leave to save the rain forest - alone."
So as my loud friend says, "Believe him!" and move on. Count your blessings for having spent time with someone who respected you enough to say goodbye - in his own way.
Then call me, not to ask when he will return, but to look down the road at the much better romance that this romance prepared you to have. Why? Because being treated kindly heightened your expectations.