"Michael, We Have to Talk!"
Ladies, let's talk.
Have you ever worked out a big speech for your boyfriend about your discontent? You've thought of every question he might ask, every objection he might raise, and every excuse he might offer. You have answers for everything.
Do you really think that when you say, "Michael, we have to talk," that the poor man doesn't know that he is cooked? Cooked in barbecue sauce with cole slaw on the side?
He knows that your belt is loaded with more ammo than he has ever seen, and that he hasn't a chance. It's a monologue, not a dialogue.
He knows that all he can do is listen and run.
And the woman who was seeking information and closeness is left with the hollow sound of her own voice ringing in her ears.
The solution, as I see it, is one of the most challenging facing the modern woman.
The solution is to be brave enough not to buy into the nonsense that men's psyches are made of delicate spun glass that will shatter when we ask questions such as, "Will I see you on Saturday?" or, "Where is this relationship going, in your opinion?" or, "Do you think you will eventually marry?"
It's difficult to be brave enough to ask the questions we have every right to ask, and all but flip the bird to a man's unspoken threat of abandonment.
Think of it. When a man becomes involved with a woman, she seldom hides away her intentions, or threatens abandonment at the sound of a single word about commitment. Yet some women live with this threat every day.
What men don't realize, I think, is that this behavior takes sensitive women seeking love and warmth, and turns them into the watchful, careful, phony-baloney robots that men eventually have to leave.
Women lose their ability to spontaneously speak up in normal, everyday, give-and-take conversations.
Hence, they have no choice but to store it all up, and make stilted speeches from which men run away.
It takes guts, and it's not easy, but I encourage you to simply speak your mind. You don't have to be loud, brashly opinionated or off-putting.
Just use a few phrases here and there to let your man know that his unspoken threat of abandonment doesn't scare you, and that you embrace the right to talk about anything you want.
"When I marry, I will..."
"When I have kids, I will..."
"The man I marry has to be..."
"I like a very close and loving relationship. It makes me happy."
Or, call out the problem, plainly and simply: "I know you're afraid of discussing such things, but I'm not. So, I think that..."
It takes guts, but remember: The passive/aggressive boyfriend becomes the passive/ aggressive husband - and honeh, you only think you've been lonely until you've lived in the same house with a distant, secretive person.