Life According to Laurie

It just isn't safe anymore.  Everywhere I go, I have to contiually look up for fear that the stalker will catch me unawares.  Who would have ever thought I would have to live in fear in my own home?

But it's true.  There is a stalker on the loose, and she has now devoted her life to leaping on unsuspecting victims and scaring the hell out of them.  Yes, stalker cat has arrived!

It started innocently enough a couple weeks ago.  The patio door was open and she began climbing the screen door.  At first, she would just engage in this activity and then jump down.  But then she discovered from the top of the screen door, she could pull herself up onto the curtain rod and perch.  Next up, she discovered she could leap down on anyone, human or animal, sitting on the couch and get a BIG reaction.

Sometimes when there is nothing to land on, or when the other cat, Daisy, gives her a withering look, she thinks better of her plan to make us wet ourselves and decides to descend from her spot next to the ceiling in another manner.  She climbs the walls.  Apparently she believes she is Spidercat and possesses suction cups on her claws and will attempt to grab hold of the wall.  However,  all that happens is she slides down the wall, producing a noise akin to nails on a chalkboard. 

Late last week, it got worse.  I walked into my bedroom, and since the door was slightly ajar, I pushed it open, only to have a cat land on my head.  She had made her way to the top of the door!  That one, I was able to deduce.  She jumped from the ironing board to the top of the door and was able to balance there.

This weekend, it progressed.  Some mysterious way, she found her way to the top of the bathroom door.  I could just look in amazement.  But what happened next was hilarious.

Stalker cat -- better known as Cali by her captors -- then stepped onto the shower rod from the top of the door and balanced her way across the entire length of the shower curtain to the end.

My daughter Katie, who was in the tub at the time, alerted me to the dangerous predicament she found herself in with stalker cat, and being the good and supportive mother that I am, instead of removing the perilous object, I ran to get my camera. 

After taking a few shots and heeding my daughter's pleas to not take any blackmail pics of her nakie in the tub, I left the room, only to hear a loud splash followed by a wet cat running through the house and jumping onto the tall armoire/desk to licking herself dry (Yeah, don't get how that works.  Cat logic.)

Katie then came tearing out of the bathroom wearing a towel to see how our very own stalker was doing.  She claims that Cali decided that it would be a fabulous idea to land on Katie's head from her perch on the shower curtain, but missed and landed in the water.

Naturally, one would assume that Cali had learned her lesson and once again resumed rugrat status, but alas, such is not the case.  As witnessed by the enclosed pictures, she continues her activities.

Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  Nooooo, it's STALKER CAT!