Today, after much thought, I am going to broach a subject that stirs up controversy and emotion from both sides:  the married man.  A good portion of my business is talking to women either in love with a married man, or a separated man, or the just-divorced man or somehow still-attached man.

 
First thing I can say, do not judge. 
 
I have yet to talk to a caller who said, "I can't wait!  I'm going to go out there and get me a married man!  It sounds like sooooo much fun!"  These are people in pain.  We don't always choose who we love, it's all in what we do with it.
 
I am sooooooo not into statistics of it all.  If a statistic of a man leaving his marriage is two percent, who says you're not the two percent or twenty percent or whatever it is.  I give psychic readings, not spout Vegas odds.
 
A piece of advice to anyone faced with this situation:  Don't.  If you can avoid it, just don't.  It's not an easy road for anybody.  Even if this man has a bad marriage, it would behoove all concerned that he make a break before he brings another person into the equation and makes three people miserable instead of two.
 
I always look in wonder when I get a call from a wife describing the horrible hussy who got involved with her husband, and the next call will be from the girlfriend (the horrible hussy) describing the horrible wife who won't let go of her husband.  What happened to the guy in this equation?  Why is he tucked safely out of harm's way while the two women fight over him?  Basically, he's betraying both of you.
 
Staying for the kids?  Those kids are going to be adults far longer than they're children.  I'd much prefer to show my child how to be a healthy, happy partner in her relationships and have problem-solving skills that allow her to choose happiness than to show her, "This is as good as it gets" with a bad marriage.
 
Usually, the reason people stay together is very simple:  Breaking up is hard to do.  But not as hard as you think.  Waiting for the kids to finish high school, or go to college, waiting for the time to be perfect -- nothing is ever perfect.  When you are waiting for perfection, all you're doing is letting life pass you by. 
 
No, I'm not a proponent of people just standing up, stretching, and saying, "Okay, well, I'm outta here," and being irresponsible with the person they vowed to be with the rest of their life.  But if you've given it all you've got, it would be better to leave the other person and let them go on to find someone that truly loves them rather than regards them as a ball and chain.
 
I get so many complaints about the wives who won't let go of the sinking ship.  But really, can you blame her for trying to hang on to her life as she knows it?  You might do the same under the same circumstances.  She might not even know things are as dire as they are.
 
Ahhh, married men and the women that love them.  Thing is, even if the guy does leave for you, he is not going to be able to walk straight out of the marriage and skip down the Yellow Brick Road with you to the end of the rainbow.
 
I always say, "He didn't just leave his wife, he left his life."  It usually has to get worse before it gets better.  I often tell clients going with a guy who still has an attachment, it's like being handed a bank account that's in the deficit.  Instead of starting with a clean slate and working up from zero, you're working up to zero into the positive.  It's meeting Mr. Right at the wrong time.
 
Always remember, this man is either going to be with you or with her.  You two are the ones in jeopardy, not him.  Do NOT give up your life sitting around waiting for the time he can steal for you.  As miserable as his marriage may be, he is not sitting in front of the TV watching Lifetime (the channel for women that hate men) with the tub of Ben & Jerry's crying.  He is out playing golf, having dinner with his family, and doing okay.
 
So the final and best piece of advice I can give you is, while you're doing the waiting game, you need to do the living game, too.  If your waiting game outweighs the living game, you are going to be so bitter and so resentful of what he's put you through (aka what you've chosen to put yourself through), if and when he does disentangle himself and comes to you with open arms, you're going to be ready to break both of those arms, his legs and perhaps another extremity. 
 
Live, breathe, and never ever lose the most important thing in this entire equation: you.