Repost from 2007.

Often I get callers asking me about their dude and what happened, why he suddenly changed. 

Here is the scenario:  Ms. Caller was happily and independently living her life, satisfied with herself, when along comes Mr. Dude.  He chases, he pursues,  he proposes on the second date, and he makes you feel like you are the most precious fabulous thing that he's ever had the good fortune to meet.

Finally, after many protestations that he's moving too fast, that you really don't want to get involved -- finally, finally, you acquiesce, let your guard down and decide to trust this dude and make yourself vulnerable to him.  After all, he has the good taste to recognize a goddess when he sees one!

And then boom, suddenly he backs off, forgets to call, is noncommittal and evasive.  What happened?  You're still the same goddess he was so crazy about in the beginning!

My theory, he's been abducted by aliens!  Really!  Aliens have come down and grabbed this very very perfect man, like no other, and have whisked him away.  If that isn't bad enough, they replaced him with someone who is just, well, ordinary, just like all the rest.

Why do the aliens have to have all the good men? 

Okay, let's be real here.  Now I'm not talking about the kind of men or women that are just in it for the chase.  I'm talking about the truly nice guy that went from Superman to Clark Kent in a span of a couple months.  I'm also not trying to be sexist here, but most of my callers are women.  Women can go from Wonder Woman to -- well, I don't remember her alter ego, but you know what I mean.

Those of you who are regular callers know that I sometimes even answer that question of "What happened?" with "He was abducted by aliens and now this is the real guy.  I hope you like him, because he's here to stay."

So why does this happen so often?  Let's take a look at the situation.

Dude comes along and sees you, an exciting, interesting, independent woman, and oh, he wants to get him a piece of that!  So he puts on his best face, and does whatever it takes.  He's sweet, compassionate, understanding, calls and gives you all the attention you crave, and more.  But slowly, as he feels he has your attention and affection, he starts to be more himself.  After all, chasing you down, winning you over and showering you with all that attention can be quite exhausting. 

But let's take a look at you.  Are you the same exciting, interesting, independent woman that he met?  Or are you no longer putting on your best face either and being yourself?  When he stopped calling you every three seconds, did you get needy and start pulling at him?

Maybe both of you are now giving each other the back-handed compliment of feeling comfortable enough to be yourselves with each other?

Every situation is unique and different, and I'm happy to look into yours and tell you what I see, but I can tell you if you don't like the guy that the aliens left behind, it's time to take another look at the relationship, because this is the guy you're stuck with from now on.  Maybe he is really a nice, trustworthy Clark Kent that took a step backwards and is moving forward in a more real and comfortable way.  Or maybe he reveals himself to be Lex Luthor and is someone that you truly don't like. 

Would you like to share your views and experiences?  Please be my guest. 

Now excuse me while I power up my spaceship and GPS system.  I'm off to that far away planet to take a few prisoners for us and bring them back!