Kiss It And Make It All Better
What do you do when something goes wrong in your relationship?
For instance, let's say Dude keeps wanting some space, repeatedly distances himself, or simply disappears occasionally. Do you think a good solution to that problem is to move in with him so you can watch every move he makes?
How about if he's feeling really bad about himself, is broke, and generally not feeling successful in his career or very strong or effective in his life? Good idea to bring him in under your roof and take care of him and support him?
How about if you two are constantly fighting? Everything should be okay if you get married, right?
Or of course, the ultimate, the relationship is on shaky ground, so you should cement things together by having a baby?
The answer to all of the questions is a resounding NO. Moving in or getting married will simply accentuate everything that is wrong and make it worse.The thing is, you have some problems that need to be worked out. You need to communicate and work with each other before throwing yourselves together 24/7.
I know, you're feeling insecure about the relationship, so you want to strap him down, put him under a microscope and be able to wake up in the middle of the night and see if he's dreaming about someone else, or keep a close watch so he can't pack up and move out while you're in the bathroom using your eyelash curler.
The first example of moving in with the guy that wants space, that will totally take away any space at all and will be like cornering a wild animal. If you've never done it, call your doc now for an appointment for a tetanus shot. They bite.
Or the example where you're supporting him under your roof. What could be better than him being dependent on you? I mean, he owes you, he HAS to stay. How could he be mean to you if you're doing all that for him? Easy. Watch the gratefulness turn to resentment.
Why should you, fabulous you, have to put someone under lock and key in order to keep him? You don't.
Holding tight to something that is bad doesn't give it room for improvement. You have to loosen the reigns to even be able to step back and take a clear look in order to figure out what's wrong and what's right and even if it's worth it.
Yes, I'm totally aware that letting go or even opening your tightly clenched fist gives him a chance to evade your grasp or perhaps escape -- and that hurts. But do you really want to live under that kind of stress, having to worry about that all the time?
Many people are so afraid of pain that they're willing to sit in a bad relationship rather than take the risk of trying to fix it or leave it. I've even seen women go back to abusive relationships because they're afraid to be alone.
Please, give yourself a chance at happiness. Have a little faith that you can step back and either work on this relationship or let it go. Don't be so afraid that you will be alone or won't be loved.
Sure, it might hurt, but through pain comes growth. I guarantee if you take that chance to do things the right way and not just the easy way, at the end of the day, you'll find that somebody will want to be with you -- the most important person -- you.